On Thursday, Dec. 8th we received this in the mail:
Authenicated Chinese Consulate seal attached to each document of our dossier
On Friday, Dec. 9th we recieved this in the mail:
I-800A approval!!!!!!!
What do these two pieces of paper mean you ask?! The first picture represents all our dossier paperwork having gone through the final step of being 'sealed' and ready to be sent off to our agency for critical review and then off to China. The second picture is the last document needed to complete our dossier, our I-800A approval. Tomorrow I am traveling to St. Paul to have this document certified by the Secretary of State and I am awaiting a phone call from my agency to tell me the quickest way to get this paper to Chicago to be authenticated by the Chinese Consulate. Unfortunately, I cannot travel to Chicago myself, so either a courier service will be used or we will express mail it.
This week has been quite a roller coaster of emotions, like so much of this process is. I have gone from complete devastation to rays of hope again with these two packages in the mail. After getting such devastating news on Tuesday, I decided to start focusing on the positives. I started texting Jason (since I do not see him much during the day or evening) with what is now our "positive of the day" text. Positives being, our papers are on their way, I am holding our authenticated papers in my hand, we have been approved. I cannot wait for the "positive of the day" to be, we have Lucy in our arms! I hope it brightens his day! : ) This all once again reminds me that I am not in control and it is time to let go of that selfish control I want to have. The Lord has heard my cries and has cared enough to show me that He does still have this process and Lucy in His control and He cares.
This is so worth celebrating! Today our church was celebrating the amazing giving that came in the last month and a half and during our celebration dinner. Before sitting down in church I checked our church mailbox and there was an anonymous financial gift given to us. The entire service I had to hold back tears, that is until the songs started, then I lost it! : ) People are listening to the Spirit and obeying what He is asking of them and I pray this generous person is blessed with more than he/she can imagine. Here is a song to show my gratitude to the One who is providing. Celebrate with me!
"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughtsthan your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:9
Today was a day that started out excellent and ended in total devastation. To start the day, I received a phone call from a fellow Chinese adoptive mom to talk about each of our experiences so far. She has already been through the waiting period and has a beautiful daughter at home. She mentioned several online resources for me to look at. I ran a few errands with Isabelle. Once I was done with the errands and Izzy was down for a nap, I started reading a few things and replaying the phone conversation in my head. I started thinking that my time frame for traveling to get Lucy may be a little off. So, I emailed our agency and asked several questions. This is when my day took a turn for the worse. The one question that was answered by our agency and left me with a very sick stomach and feelings of total devastation was this: I am just wondering what the time line is for us to travel once we have USCIS approval and our dossier sent to China. and here is the answer that made me so ill:Once your dossier has been logged in at the CCCWA in China, you can expect to travel in approximately 4-7 months.
Yep, you read that right, 4-7 months AFTER all our paperwork is sent to China, which we are still another month or two away from that point. We have a much longer wait than I was expecting at this point in the process. I have asked myself over and over, why did I not catch this before? Am I so clueless about this process that my expectations did not come anywhere near matching reality? I feel like a fool. So, for those that have been asking what our time frame is, we are looking at next summer being able to bring our little Lucy home. This is devastating news!!! Devastating!
I have cried, I have been sick, and I have talked on the phone with our agency and reviewed with them where we are at this point and what a general time frame is to getting out little girl home. We are talking another 6 - 9 months at this point if all goes perfectly. I am hoping she will be home by her 2nd birthday, which is June 16th.
I have to believe that there is a purpose for this long wait. I have to believe that yes, God is in control and I am not. I have to believe that He will work this out for our good. I have to believe!!! It is just hard to actually believe these things when I am longing so badly to be with Lucy and my heart just aches knowing that she is in an orphanage with no mother, no father, no family to love all over her and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
The one ray of sunshine from my day was the encouragement from the adoptive mom on the phone who has been through the entire process. One thing that she said that keeps sticking with me is, I know it is hard now to know this, but when you are finally face to face with Lucy, all the waiting and paperwork and heart ache you are going through now will completely fade away. You will have your little girl in your arms and you will know this was all worth it.
I was trying to find a C.S. Lewis quote today and came across a website with hundreds of C.S. Lewis quotes. One, among several, that sticks out to me tonight is, "Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do." I have to decide now if I am going to be bitter and angry because of my unmet expectations, that really were never realistic to begin with. Am I going to beat myself up for not asking the right questions of our agency and for not catching all of this sooner? Or I can realize the reality is there is nothing I can do about this. I can realize Lucy still needs a family and we are to be her family and when we do finally get her home, oh how sweet it will be. This is not how I had planned it, but then again, if this was happening the way I had planned it, how much attention would be taken away from the One who is ultimately in control and who deserves all the glory!? To God ALONE be the Glory!
This song just repeats in my head over and over tonight. "I have fallen so far, flat on my face, I'm in need of your grace today."
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your HOPE in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you...." -Psalm 42:5-6
Today I received some "not what I wanted to hear" news. Earlier this week I recieved an email from a friend that is going through paperwork for an international adoption. She wrote about some setbacks she had with her immigration/fingerprint paperwork. I told Jason I feared that we would have setbacks too since I was counting so heavily on the information we were given that we should receive approval in 2 weeks. Well, today marks 3 weeks since our fingerprints were taken so I decided to start emailing and calling to find out where we were in the approval process. I found out that even though a petition was made to expedite our paperwork, USCIS takes on files as they come in. It could be up to 90 days. (Insert empty, nauseating, gut renching feeling! Remember that LONGING to be with Lucy I talked about in my last post!) 90 DAYS!!!! Are you serious???? The good news is (well the better than bad news at this point) after I looked into it further and asked more questions of the USCIS officer I found out that the 90 days starts when they receive our application, which was Sept. 28th. Sonthe magic 90 day number brings us to the end of December. By the end of December we should have approval. I am praying, praying, praying that it will be earlier.
This news is just really bothering me tonight. This process is truly a roller coaster ride. Just when I think we are making huge steps in getting closer to bringing Lucy home, I get knocked down with news like this. It's someone telling me I have to wait even longer. It's that feeling that we will never hold Lucy in our arms. Interesting enough, I checked my email on my phone at the end of our moms group meeting where the devotion for today was on patience. Huh! Coincidence, I think not! Yes, I am praying for patience.
My prayer has been since receiving this news that through God's working, He would make a way for our papers to be noticed and looked at quickly. That all the necessary information would be there when the officer looks at our paperwork, if this is His way in all this. If not, I pray that I would be filled with the fruit of the Spirit, patience.
I was reading a post today on the internet and came across what an adoptive mom wrote on what not to say and what to say to parents waiting for their child. I do not wish to post the whole article because it comes across as being discouraging to those that are trying to be encouraging. I think we say things to people that may be going through some trial in life, trying to be an encouragement, but it comes across to the person we are trying to encourage as offensive or harsh because they are not at the point in their process where they are ready to hear those words. I have appreciated all the encouraging words we have received during this process. I understand that the encouragers out there may not have experienced what I am experiencing, but I still want to hear those words. Anyway, I digress. My point is there is one little piece of advice this writer put in her article that I would like to share:
"When you say you’re praying for us and our waiting children, and you actually really are, not only does that soothe our troubled souls, but according to Scripture, it activates the heavens. So pray on, dear friends. Pray on. That is always the right thing to say. And please actually do it. We need people to stand in the gap for us when we are too tired and discouraged to keep praying the same words another day."
This is my request to you prayer warriors out there. I know many people have said they are praying for us and I know they truly are. Thank you! Keep praying!
I will leave with this song that was brought to my attention earlier this week. The words that stick out to me in this song is "If you take that first step into the unknown, He will not let you go." Jesus is not letting me, Lucy, or our family go while we walk out into this whole unknown process. He is holding us and this whole process in His hands. I needed that reminder.
