Positives of the Week

On Thursday, Dec. 8th we received this in the mail:

Authenicated Chinese Consulate seal attached to each document of our dossier

On Friday, Dec. 9th we recieved this in the mail:

I-800A approval!!!!!!!

 

 What do these two pieces of paper mean you ask?! The first picture represents all our dossier paperwork having gone through the final step of being 'sealed' and ready to be sent off to our agency for critical review and then off to China. The second picture is the last document needed to complete our dossier, our I-800A approval. Tomorrow I am traveling to St. Paul to have this document certified by the Secretary of State and I am awaiting a phone call from my agency to tell me the quickest way to get this paper to Chicago to be authenticated by the Chinese Consulate. Unfortunately, I cannot travel to Chicago myself, so either a courier service will be used or we will express mail it.

This week has been quite a roller coaster of emotions, like so much of this process is. I have gone from complete devastation to rays of hope again with these two packages in the mail. After getting such devastating news on Tuesday, I decided to start focusing on the positives. I started texting Jason (since I do not see him much during the day or evening) with what is now our "positive of the day" text. Positives being, our papers are on their way, I am holding our authenticated papers in my hand, we have been approved. I cannot wait for the "positive of the day" to be, we have Lucy in our arms! I hope it brightens his day! : ) This all once again reminds me that I am not in control and it is time to let go of that selfish control I want to have. The Lord has heard my cries and has cared enough to show me that He does still have this process and Lucy in His control and He cares.

This is so worth celebrating! Today our church was celebrating the amazing giving that came in the last month and a half and during our celebration dinner. Before sitting down in church I checked our church mailbox and there was an anonymous financial gift given to us. The entire service I had to hold back tears, that is until the songs started, then I lost it! : ) People are listening to the Spirit and obeying what He is asking of them and I pray this generous person is blessed with more than he/she can imagine. Here is a song to show my gratitude to the One who is providing. Celebrate with me!



Soli Deo Gloria!

Complete Devastation

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:9

Today was a day that started out excellent and ended in total devastation. To start the day, I received a phone call from a fellow Chinese adoptive mom to talk about each of our experiences so far. She has already been through the waiting period and has a beautiful daughter at home. She mentioned several online resources for me to look at. I ran a few errands with Isabelle. Once I was done with the errands and Izzy was down for a nap, I started reading a few things and replaying the phone conversation in my head. I started thinking that my time frame for traveling to get Lucy may be a little off. So, I emailed our agency and asked several questions. This is when my day took a turn for the worse. The one question that was answered by our agency and left me with a very sick stomach and feelings of total devastation was this:
 I am just wondering what the time line is for us to travel once we have USCIS approval and our dossier sent to China.
and here is the answer that made me so ill: Once your dossier  has been logged in at the CCCWA in China, you can expect to travel in approximately 4-7 months.


Yep, you read that right, 4-7 months AFTER all our paperwork is sent to China, which we are still another month or two away from that point. We have a much longer wait than I was expecting at this point in the process. I have asked myself over and over, why did I not catch this before? Am I so clueless about this process that my expectations did not come anywhere near matching reality? I feel like a fool. So, for those that have been asking what our time frame is, we are looking at next summer being able to bring our little Lucy home. This is devastating news!!! Devastating! 

I have cried, I have been sick, and I have talked on the phone with our agency and reviewed with them where we are at this point and what a general time frame is to getting out little girl home. We are talking another 6 - 9 months at this point if all goes perfectly. I am hoping she will be home by her 2nd birthday, which is June 16th.

I have to believe that there is a purpose for this long wait. I have to believe that yes, God is in control and I am not. I have to believe that He will work this out for our good. I have to believe!!! It is just hard to actually believe these things when I am longing so badly to be with Lucy and my heart just aches knowing that she is in an orphanage with no mother, no father, no family to love all over her and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

The one ray of sunshine from my day was the encouragement from the adoptive mom on the phone who has been through the entire process. One thing that she said that keeps sticking with me is, I know it is hard now to know this, but when you are finally face to face with Lucy, all the waiting and paperwork and heart ache you are going through now will completely fade away. You will have your little girl in your arms and you will know this was all worth it.

I was trying to find a C.S. Lewis quote today and came across a website with hundreds of C.S. Lewis quotes. One, among several, that sticks out to me tonight is, "Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do."  I have to decide now if I am going to be bitter and angry because of my unmet expectations, that really were never realistic to begin with. Am I going to beat myself up for not asking the right questions of our agency and for not catching all of this sooner?  Or I can realize the reality is there is nothing I can do about this. I can realize Lucy still needs a family and we are to be her family and when we do finally get her home, oh how sweet it will be. This is not how I had planned it, but then again, if this was happening the way I had planned it, how much attention would be taken away from the One who is ultimately in control and who deserves all the glory!? To God ALONE be the Glory!  

This song just repeats in my head over and over tonight. "I have fallen so far, flat on my face, I'm in need of your grace today."

Bummer

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your HOPE in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you...." -Psalm 42:5-6

Today I received some "not what I wanted to hear" news. Earlier this week I recieved an email from a friend that is going through paperwork for an international adoption. She wrote about some setbacks she had with her immigration/fingerprint paperwork. I told Jason I feared that we would have setbacks too since I was counting so heavily on the information we were given that we should receive approval in 2 weeks. Well, today marks 3 weeks since our fingerprints were taken so I decided to start emailing and calling to find out where we were in the approval process. I found out that even though a petition was made to expedite our paperwork, USCIS takes on files as they come in. It could be up to 90 days. (Insert empty, nauseating, gut renching feeling! Remember that LONGING to be with Lucy I talked about in my last post!) 90 DAYS!!!! Are you serious???? The good news is (well the better than bad news at this point) after I looked into it further and asked more questions of the USCIS officer I found out that the 90 days starts when they receive our application, which was Sept. 28th. Sonthe magic 90 day number brings us to the end of December. By the end of December we should have approval. I am praying, praying, praying that it will be earlier.

This news is just really bothering me tonight. This process is truly a roller coaster ride. Just when I think we are making huge steps in getting closer to bringing Lucy home, I get knocked down with news like this. It's someone telling me I have to wait even longer. It's that feeling that we will never hold Lucy in our arms. Interesting enough, I checked my email on my phone at the end of our moms group meeting where the devotion for today was on patience. Huh! Coincidence, I think not! Yes, I am praying for patience.

My prayer has been since receiving this news that through God's working, He would make a way for our papers to be noticed and looked at quickly. That all the necessary information would be there when the officer looks at our paperwork, if this is His way in all this. If not, I pray that I would be filled with the fruit of the Spirit, patience.

I was reading a post today on the internet and came across what an adoptive mom wrote on what not to say and what to say to parents waiting for their child. I do not wish to post the whole article because it comes across as being discouraging to those that are trying to be encouraging. I think we say things to people that may be going through some trial in life, trying to be an encouragement, but it comes across to the person we are trying to encourage as offensive or harsh because they are not at the point in their process where they are ready to hear those words. I have appreciated all the encouraging words we have received during this process. I understand that the encouragers out there may not have experienced what I am experiencing, but I still want to hear those words. Anyway, I digress. My point is there is one little piece of advice this writer put in her article that I would like to share:

 "When you say you’re praying for us and our waiting children, and you actually really are, not only does that soothe our troubled souls, but according to Scripture, it activates the heavens. So pray on, dear friends. Pray on. That is always the right thing to say. And please actually do it. We need people to stand in the gap for us when we are too tired and discouraged to keep praying the same words another day."

This is my request to you prayer warriors out there. I know many people have said they are praying for us and I know they truly are. Thank you! Keep praying!

I will leave with this song that was brought to my attention earlier this week. The words that stick out to me in this song is "If you take that first step into the unknown, He will not let you go." Jesus is not letting me, Lucy, or our family go while we walk out into this whole unknown process. He is holding us and this whole process in His hands. I needed that reminder.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Getting Closer While Growing Closer

I am sitting here thinking of all that has happened in the past 2 weeks with our adoption process. The Lord has shown up at every step of this process which humbles me and puts me in awe of Him at the same time. He has been so good to us, eventhough we do not deserve it.

Our immigration fingerprints were taken Thursday, November 10th. As Jason and I were approaching The Cities we noticed that traffic was backed up. Immediately I started to panic, thinking we would be late for our appointment. (Yes, I am a little high strung in these kinds of situations.) Jason looked at me and said, "Do you think we should pray?" Ummm, yeah, excellent idea! : ) So we prayed that the day would go smoothly, that traffic would clear up, that we would make it on time, and that the people working in the offices we were going to would be pleasant and helpful. (I was just worried about every little detail of this day and was having nightmares at night that I had forgotten something or that we would be sitting in the immigration office all day with crabby people.) I was overcome with emotion as I prayed. I think the reality of being so close to getting our daughter who I do not even know has started to set in. I do not know what she likes. I do not know how she will react to me. I do not know if there are hidden "special needs" that we will need to care for. I do not know......on and on it goes. Anyway, we finished praying and after finding out that it was just a stalled car causing a back up, traffic started moving again. We arrived at our destination with a half hour to spare. We walked into the office and were the first to be fingerprinted. As the kind lady scanned my fingers, she noticed it was almost my birthday. She said, "Oh, happy early birthday!" Thank you Lord for placing a kind woman in my path when I was all wound up and nervous. We were out of there within 5 minutes and onto the Secretary of State's office to have our papers certified. We were the only people waiting at the Secretary of State's office so that visit only took 15 minutes, and that was with a bathroom break! : ) We were done with two major steps in our adoption process before 9 a.m. Praise the Lord for his wonderful answer to our prayers. Now we just await approval of our fingerprints, which Lord willing, will arrive this week.

Yesterday I went to the post office and laid months of paperwork in the hands of the USPS. Our lives, spelled out on paper, is now traveling to the Chinese Consulate in Chicago to be authenticated. I walked into the post office with very specific directions on how to send this package. I finally looked at the worker and apologized for being so direct and explained that these were very important papers. Like she hasn't had people come in with "very important papers" before. She probably thought I was nuts! Our agency has told us that it can take up to 20 days for the Chinese Consulate to process our papers, so we will wait.

Two weeks ago in Sunday School the topic of adoption was brought up. The teacher asked those who have adopted to compare the love Jesus shows us as adopted children of Him to their own adoption journey. As I listened to several responses, my heart started racing and the hot flashes started. I knew it was the Holy Spirit nudging me to share, but I am not big on sharing in class. I usually have to think a little or discuss the topic with individuals after class. I also knew that if I opened my mouth tears would soon follow my words. This time my heart just kept racing so I knew I needed to speak up. Sure enough, when I started speaking tears started to flow as I explained that we are in the midst of adopting a beautiful little girl whom we have pictures of and a little bit of information about and we already love her and are longing to be with her. Just as I am longing to be with her and pursuing her with patience, so Jesus longs to be with each of us and to have that intimate relationship like a father has to a daughter or son or a mother to her daughter or son. Jesus longs for us to come into a relationship with Him. He pursues us, He loves us, and He is patient with us. It was a revelation moment for me in that class like so many times during this journey.

This past week I have been able to follow David Platt's journey to China to finally be united with their daughter. David Platt is the author of Radical and I think I mentioned his book in my very first blog post. He has had great posts that has made me think and prepare a little more for our day of being united with Lucy and the days to follow. He writes much better than I when he compares physical adoption with the relationship to our Heavenly Father as adopted sons and daughters. His blog is worth reading. The address is http://bhglobalblog.org/2011/11/26/do-you-know-god-as-father/ While watching some of his first videos of being united with his daughter, Mara Ruth, I was again boosted with hope that some day we will be united with Lucy. He does talk about some of the unexpected issues that may come with adopting a child from an orphange that has caused me to start some new prayers. For example, his daughter has been used to having women care for her in the orphange that she has attached much better to Platt's wife than to himself. This has caused some longing on his part to grow that father/daughter relationship, but will take more time than he thought. I pray for Jason and Lucy's relationship, that she will accept him as her father with time and that Jason would be patient during that process.. I pray for Lucy as she will be grieving everything that is "normal" to her when we become a family and that she will adjust to her new family and life well. While I know that each adoption journey is different and each child responds differently, David Platt's blog has come at just a perfect time to prepare me for what lies ahead for us.

I am excited and nervous to be this close to getting our little Lucy home. The Lord has sustained us this far and will continue to sustain us until we are united as a family. I think of what my sister-in-law and fellow adoptive mother said to me, "Just think, this will be your last Thanksgiving as a family of 5." Oh that makes me excited! I will leave with this poem from David Platt's blog. He wrote it for his wife last Chrismas from the perspective of a child waiting for a family.

Today, I sit in China, a special child in need,
Of a mommy and a daddy who will come and care for me.

Though I’m still just a baby, I have a longing for a home,
For a family who is willing to call me their own.

Most days I feel forgotten, yet unbeknownst to me,
The Father to the fatherless is at work behind the scenes.

For many miles away, He has a mom and a dad,
Who’ve been walking through a journey that has sometimes left them sad.

For many years they prayed that God would give them a child,
And finally God answered in a way that made them smile.

In one year alone (nine months to be precise),
Through a miracle of miracles, God gave them offspring twice.

First a son through adoption, and then one more naturally,
And all of a sudden, they doubled their family.

Yet now a few years later, they are struggling once again,
Pleading and yet wondering if their prayers are in vain.

Oh, be patient, mom and dad, for the Father on high,
Is listening with care and has heard our every cry.

He knows how much I need you, and how much you need me,
He’s arranging every detail for the day that we will see…

Each other for the first time, in the city where I live,
Where you’ll take me in your arms, and on that day you’ll give…

Me what I’ve always dreamed of and desired deep inside,
A family whose love for me will never, ever subside.

I know this may sound insensitive and hard to understand,
But I am very grateful that the process you had planned…

Has been blocked and delayed at various points along the way,
For as a result of your setbacks, I’ll be your child one day.

So even when it’s tough, please wait and persevere,
For though you do not know me yet, I’m waiting over here.

One day soon in China, we will finally meet,
And our God will be exalted for your patient pursuit of me.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Update Day

Today at work I checked my email and noticed I recieved such an awesome email: new pictures of Lucy and health updates. It was such a sweet and bright ray of hope in the midst of this whole process. I cannot say it better than how my great friend said it when I emailed her the pictures, "I bet it does your heart good to get new information, and to know she's healthy and got your package!" She was absolutely right, it did my heart a lot of good. I have been praying and asking others to pray for an update on Lucy. The update came today and it was better than I imagined it to be! She is reported to be in good health. She can walk and is reported to be outgoing. (She will fit right in to the Herman side of the family.) She can say mama, which I don't know if that is in Chinese or English. They call her Fei Fei at the orphanage and we call her Lu Lu. : ) Oh, I just don't even know what else to write. I just want to show pictures and smile and scream and cry and get all this paperwork done with and just take the next flight to China and bring her home!!! : ) So here is my mommy brag moment:



Lucy looking at and listening to the book we sent her. She is drooling over our family picture. : ) This makes my heart happy because I can see a little smile on her face.



Our little Lucy Fei wearing the dress we sent her.





Jason and I will be traveling up to St. Paul on Thursday to get our immigration fingerprints. I am frantically getting all our papers ready to be notarized tomorrow so that while we are in St. Paul on Thursday, we can just walk into the Secretary of State's office to have them certify our papers. Our papers will then be sent to Chicago to the Chinese Consulate to be authenticated. Then our papers go to our agency in Colorado to be translated into Chinese. From there the papers go to China and we wait for them to give us the o.k. to travel to pick up this little cutie! What is the time frame for all this to be done, you ask? Well, I still have January for the month to travel in my head. All the people working with our adoption have told us they are putting expedited requests on our process since we have a "special needs" child waiting for us. We pray this will continue to move along smoothly.

"How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people."   -Psalm 116:12

Soli Deo Gloria!

Yahweh Jireh - The Lord Will Provide

This month is flying by and I am finally getting a chance to sit down and update our blog. I have had many people come up to me and ask if there is any new news on Lucy. Here is where we are in the process: USCIS (immigration services) has received our application and we have received acknowledgement of that in the mail. We now wait for them to send, via snail mail, an appointment for Jason and myself to be fingerprinted for FBI clearance. Ooooo, sounds so official. : ) We will have to travel up to St. Cloud or somewhere around the Cities for these fingerprints. From there the process seems to get kind of confusing. I think, if I understand it correctly, we may have to wait for about 2 months before we receive all the papers from USCIS that we are clear on the U.S. end to bring Lucy home. Then we finish up more dossier paperwork, get the dossier sealed (notarized, certified, and authenticated) and send all these papers to China. Once the Chinese government looks over all our papers, they will tell us when we can travel to get our little Lucy. Whew! Yes, I am exhausted just talking about it all. This is where we are currently at in the process.

There have been several "God moments" this past month that I would like to share. A couple weeks ago I had coffee with a fellow international adoptive mom to discuss adoption overseas and the whole process. It was awesome to talk with someone with the same passion and burden for the "least of these." It was also heart wrenching at times to hear some of her story. She did not receive support and encouragement from some of her church family when they brought their daughter home. I was shocked! Living in a small town I cannot share her whole story, but it brought to my attention how very thankful I am for all the love and support my church family, extended family, and friends have shown us throughout this process. About the same time as this coffee talk, I came across an article on John Piper's blog. It spoke volumes to me. The title is Don't Let Your Cause Eclipse God's Glory http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/dont-let-your-cause-eclipse-gods-glory (You can read the whole article if you would like.) In this article the author talks about getting such a calling or passion for something that a person does not quite understand or gets angry when others do not have that same calling or passion. I could so relate. The Lord was and continues (because this is quite an ongoing process for me) to really work on my heart in this area. I know that He calls each one of us to do different activities, build different relationships, interact with different people. We are responsible to obey what He is asking us to do and to make much of Him, not ourselves, while we are fulfilling our call. This friend of mine found that this church body was a not a good fit for her family or their calling for their lives and despite not receiving the support, they remained obedient and faithful to the One that gave them their calling and have a beautiful daughter to show for it. : )

I have continued to read the devotional from Show Hope and one day the title was: The Cost of Adoption. The verse used on this particular day was Ephesians 1:5,7 "God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ....and it gave him great pleasure... He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son...." I wish I could type the entire day out for you, but I will try to highlight what really spoke to me.

Our adoption by God cost us nothing. However, it did cost God something; it cost Him His Son. The high fees and costs of adoption today are indefensible, but they are not inconceivable. Adoption is costly. Whether in the realm of finances, emotions, relationships, time, or effort, adoption will cost. But think of what it cost God, and yet He was willing to undergo that cost. And not simply to undergo it, but to undergo it with joy! It gave Him pleasure! What kind of upside down world is this? What pain and loss God must have experienced, and yet He delighted in bringing us into His family! In our world of risk-averse, safety-first, immediate gratification, we often lose sight of the truth that some endeavors are worth the cost.

Yes!!

God is Yahweh Jireh (Provider). Jason and I pray continually that God will provide financially for this adoption. Jireh shows up every time when I start to doubt. Jason has had more work.......well I guess than I care for him to have since I do not get to see him much, but that is just me being selfish. : ) I am so thankful for a husband that is healthy and is given the ability to work and work hard at that! We have both received paychecks that show how much He is providing. I pray when I go to the store that I would be a steward of the money He has provided for us to live off of. We are blessed in abundance, more than we need. We have walked out to the mailbox to receive cards with checks from people who are also walking in obedience by showing love to us and Lucy. We have received our first 2 paychecks from justlove coffee. (www.justlovecoffee/ThePenners.com) He has provided and if only I could just get it through to my thick heart during those times I doubt, that He will continue to provide.

Our God, who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, who is rich in mercy and grace, who generously provides for all that we need, this God knows the costs we will incur, and promises to be with us and for us every step of the way. This is about faith in action. This is an invitation to experience God in ways we've never experienced Him before.  -Scott Hasenbalg (Hope for the Journey devotion book)

We asked for  updates or updated pictures of Lucy and have not received anything yet. We pray that as we wait, we could just get some news of how she is doing. This wait is hard, but I have to say I have never been closer to my Lord and God as I am right now. In Sunday School we have been talking about walking with Jesus, learning from His example. A few weeks ago we were talking about how Jesus confronted the rich young man. Jesus' love for the man was brought to my attention on this particular day. I have heard this story so many times, but I am still amazed at how much the Bible is alive and speaks in ways I need to hear. Jesus loved this man and didn't want him to stay where he was in his walk with Jesus. In Mark 10:21 it says,

Jesus looked at him and LOVED him. "One thing you lack", he said. "Go sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.

 Jesus knew this man's heart and what the rich young man was holding onto too tightly that was hindering his relationship with Jesus. Jesus asked the man to give up the one "issue" he was having in order for the man to go deeper in fellowship with Jesus. He LOVED him that much. Jesus has asked me to give up multiple things (sacrifice multiple "things" of this world) in order for me go deeper in my relationship with Him and what a blessing it has been. In Sunday School the statement was made: Sometimes the blessing is in the sacrifice. I wish I could say it has always been easy to give up those things. It is hard because my flesh says "I want.......", but I am now beginning to see what a blessing it is.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. Keep them coming!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Waiting Patiently......or maybe not so much

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future.' "  -Jeremiah 29:11

I have read this verse so many times. I have heard people use it several times when talking about a certain situation in their lives. This time reading the verse it just really penetrated into the heart.

A good friend of mine and fellow adoptive parent gave me a devotional booklet from the organization Show Hope. It is a great devotional to read through and encourage us as we......what's the dreaded word......WAIT for Lucy to come home. This particular day the devotion was focused on this verse and how the Father knows what is best for our family and for our little Lucy. It was such an encouragement to me after receiving some not so good news earlier in the week.

The past few weeks Jason and I have really felt discouraged and almost hopeless with how this whole process is going. I am just going to be honest with you, I sometimes doubt that we will ever be bringing Lucy home. Several things happened with our home study and the process was delayed, not because of anything Jason or I did but because of others. When it is nothing either Jason or I could do about the situation, I feel so extremely helpless and hopeless. That is when this verse hit me. ".....plans to give you a hope and a future." There you have it! His plans are to give me HOPE and a FUTURE when I am feeling so hopeless. His plans are to give Lucy HOPE and a FUTURE. I need to be trusting in the future He has planned and not what my own plans are. His timing is perfect even when I do not understand the purpose of waiting. He has a plan. At the bottom of the devotion a question is asked: In what ways am I trusting in my own understanding and instead need to come before God in prayer and in faith?  Good question! Notice it says come before God in prayer and IN FAITH. What am I not believing about God when I doubt that He will bring Lucy to our home? I am not putting my faith in the only one that is in control of all things. Oh, I have asked many times to forgive my unbelief of who He really is. I have seen His provision in my life so many times, but how quickly I forget how faithful He is to me. Praise the Lord that He is merciful to me.

Well, on the good side of all this is that I did receive an email today saying our home study is finally approved from CCAI. This is a huge chunk of our dossier paperwork. We can now submit our immigration paperwork and wait for a call that the authorities have received and accepted all the papers and that we can travel up to the Cities for more fingerprints. (I know it is confusing for me too. ; )) It all just means that we can once again move forward. We still have a long way to go before we can travel to get Lucy, but every step closer is reason to celebrate!

We so appreciate your prayers and support. Several of you have supported us by buying coffee and I cannot thank you enough. I hope you are enjoying it. If anyone else would like to order coffee (Christmas presents!!!! Christmas is right around the corner. hint, hint), go to our website: www.justlovecoffee.com/ThePenners  It really is great coffee. I can now say I am a Just Love coffee snob!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Care Package

Yesterday I sent my two boys off to the first day of school. Aiden is in first grade and Ian is in second grade. It should be an interesting year because both boys are in the same classroom. The first and second graders are in the same room at their school. It should make for some interesting conversation at the dinner table. The good news for me is that maybe this year I will stay on top of what needs to be sent to school for certain special days. Last year I could not remember if Ian needed show n tell or if it was Aiden's day to bring snack. The boys are excited and are usually eager to learn new things. We love their teachers and their heart for teaching our children in a way that honors God.

I guess with all the these new beginnings today I decided it was time to get this care package for Lucy put together and sent off. So, we finished the package last evening and I sent it off this morning. The whole family was involved in this care package. We sent Lucy a recordable story book. Each of us took a turn and read a couple pages so that Lucy can hear our voices and maybe get used to them. (I have tried to add the video of the recorded book, but blogspot did not want to cooperate, or maybe it is just me. : )). At the end of the book Izzy says, "The End. We love you Lucy." It is just precious. Here are a few pictures of the items included in her first package:

A recordable story book called, All the Ways I Love You, a dress, a headband, a disposable camera, and a little pinkie blankie similar to her big sister's blankie. : )

Here is the inside of cover of the storybook. I added a picture of our family, (actually from last summer, but it is the best picture I have in hard copy right now). Above our heads you notice some labels. Our agency was nice enough to send little labels for Mother, Father, Big Brothers, and Big Sister in English and in Chinese. Now Lucy will get to see us for the first time and then every time she opens her book. : )

I pray that this care package will get to Lucy. It has to go through customs and I followed all the directions that our agency told us to do in order for the package to get there safely. I pray it will brighten Lucy's day and that she enjoys her presents.

I recently requested an update on Lucy from our agency. The response I received is something to this effect: They are waiting to request an update until the beginning of next month. At that time it will be the 6 month window of when Lucy was supposed to get her palate repaired. Usually if a child has been in the hospital the agency receives the discharge paperwork from her stay. They have not yet received that so the agency is thinking it may not have been repaired yet. So, we pray that Lucy is doing well and that we receive an update soon.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. Again, for you coffee drinkers, if you would like to enjoy some great coffee and help us bring our little Lucy home you can go to our coffee storefront at www.justlovecoffee.com/ThePenners. Spread the word to all your coffee drinking friends. : )
Soli Deo Gloria!

The Home study

Yesterday I received an email from our case worker. In the email she attached our home study. THE HOME STUDY we have been patiently (or maybe at times, not so patiently) waiting over a month to look over. This is a big step in our adoption process. This means after the home study has been reviewed by us and then by our Chinese agency in Colorado (CCAI), we can send in more paper work to be put in someone else's hands to review and wait for phone calls. I know, it may sound redundant, but having this home study allows us to move forward yet again, and we are that much closer to bringing Lucy home. We are praising the Lord for this home study being completed and asking for prayer that the papers can get to where they need to go and that the people who need to see our papers would be available to attend to them quickly.

Having this home study complete also means we can apply for grants from organizations like Show Hope and The Abba Fund to assist us in financially providing for this adoption. So, as you see, I will be up to my ears in paperwork. : ) As I have been waiting for this home study I read a book called Adopt Without Debt by Julie Gumm. She gives practical advice to parents that are either looking into adopting and may think they cannot afford it, or parents that are in the process of adopting. I thought we had exhausted all our options to save money, make money, or ways to keep us from going into debt until I read about one website that interested me. There is a coffee roasting company called Just Love Coffee that sells exotic coffees from several parts of the world. They roast the coffee as it is ordered and ship it to the person that orders it. The adopting family gets $5 for each bag that is sold.  I just received my first bags of coffee and am pretty excited to try them. I am not a saleswoman. I am not a big fan of asking people to buy something (I leave that to my retired insurance salesman father and current salesman brother). So, I am not going to beg you to buy this coffee. I may post it on Facebook every once in a while.You may get an email from me about it. However, I am just spreading the word to those that like a good cup of coffee in the morning and would like their purchase to have a purpose, helping an orphan get home to her forever family. : ) I set a goal of $5,000 to help with our adoption costs and the medical needs that she may have when she does come home. So, I figure (if my math is correct, which I have been to known to mess up) if I can get 1,000 people to buy just one bag of coffee, I will have reached my goal. So, I am asking if you have friends, family, or co-workers that enjoy coffee, pass this information onto them. Hey, just today I was reminded that Christmas is only 4 months away, maybe you could get some of your Christmas shopping done a little early. : ) Here is the link: www.justlovecoffee.com/ThePenners

There is my sales pitch! In the end, the Lord will continue to provide for our every need during this adoption. He has proven over and over to provide abundantly more than I need.  Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Sweet Questions

Children are the best at asking those honest questions, especially when you least expect it. One of those questions that I frequently get asked by our 2 year old is "where's Lu Lu?" The first time she asked it was about a month ago. She came down the stairs early in the morning and after I said good morning to her she responded with, "where Lu Lu?" The next question was "where's Lu Lu's mommy?" This is the question that took me off guard. How do I answer this for a 2 year old to understand? As I was pondering this question I showed Isabelle a picture of Lucy. In the background of the picture there is a nanny feeding another child. She pointed to the nanny and said, "here her mommy." As this conversation was going on, I noticed that my oldest child was watching and listening to how I responded to these questions. So I started explaining to my kids that I am Lucy's mommy but for now someone else needs to take care of her until I can get to her. This answer seemed to satisfy their curiosity, at least for now. It seems that almost daily Isabelle asks, "where's Lu Lu?" Now when she has two of something she says, "one is for Lu Lu". It melts my heart to hear her talk about her sister and it amazes me how much she thinks and talks about her. I think she is pretty excited. 

Where are we in the process? We had our homestudy visits nearly a month ago. Our case worker said she has one month to type up our homestudy, so we are patiently waiting. I asked if there is anything I can do while I wait to make things move a little quicker and I was advised not to get ahead of the process because of time lines. The items I may go ahead and get may expire and I would end up re-doing certain processes. So we wait. The good news is that once our homestudy is typed up and accepted, we can start applying for grants and adoption financial aid from organizations like Show Hope. I have started reading a new book, The Autobiography of George Mueller. That man's faith and prayer life are inspiring and it most certainly is helping me wait this out. I will have to share some quotes from that book in a later post.

Our family just returned from the 2nd tri-annual Wiebe (Jason's mom's side of the family) family reunion in Missouri. It was a fabulous time with this amazing family. One tradition that this family started was taking a big group picture with each family having a certain color shirt on for the picture. The Penner family had orange shirts and Grandma Penner decided that Lucy needed a 2011Wiebe family reunion shirt. So I have it waiting for her in her room. I thought about sending it to her in the orphanage, but I am afraid I will not see it again. For now it will just wait until she gets home. So thank you Bernice! Also, what makes this family so amazing is the heritage and faith it shares. Jason and I were asked to share about our adoption at a campfire one night. We were both hesitant at first, but did agree to speak. After our little talk and answering a few questions this amazing family surrounded Jason and myself and prayed for and over us and Lucy. It was so........I don't know what word best describes it. It was just awesome! Knowing that this entire family is praying for us and Lucy is so meaningful and beautiful to me. I will treasure those moments by the campfire forever. While we were at this family reunion, I saw a little Asian girl running around with little pony tails in her hair. ADORABLE! I noticed her sitting with some American adults. I thought surely she must have been adopted. I built up enough courage to find her parents and ask about her adoption. I found out that she was from South Korea. We talked for a little while. The mom gave me some advice and things she has learned since bringing home this little girl. It was such an encouraging conversation. As we said our good-byes and our "see you at the next reunion", I realized that at the next reunion, Lucy will be with us and she will get to meet this amazing family in person.

And someday when Isabelle asks me, "where Lu Lu?" I will be able to say, "check outside or maybe she is in your room or perhaps she is playing hide-n-seek with you."  : ) We wait for that day!

To My Lucy

Dearest sweet Lucy-

Today is your 1st birthday. Happy Birthday! We celebrated your special day in our home. Your Grandma Penner came over for supper. (Grandpa Penner flew to North Carolina to spend some time with your cousins, Grant and Wesley, and your Uncle Aaron and Aunt Karen.) We sang Happy Birthday to you and your brothers blew out your candle. It was a special day here and I hope and pray that it was a special day for you in China.

Lucy, I have not known you for very long and I have yet to hold you and hug you, but already you have a very special place in my heart. My desire to be with you in person grows each day. I imagine what the day will be like when I do finally get to hold you and learn about your personality. I dream about what the future holds for you. I imagine the day when I find you and your sister giggling in your room and me having to go upstairs and tell you it is time to go to sleep. I look forward to Ian and Aiden showing you around your new home and around all the places to explore on our yard. They are excited to tell their friends about you.

I pray for you daily, if not more. I pray that you are safe, healthy, and growing. I pray that God is preparing me to be the mother I am called to be to you. I pray that you receive Jesus as your Savior and Lord at an early age and that you live in the confidence that only He can give you. A good friend of mine made your sister a memories box after she was born. On one side of the box there is a verse that I just love and pray for you and Isabelle:

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."       Proverbs 31:25

  Oh Lucy, you are so precious to me and I love you! Happy 1st birthday dear one!

Love,
Mommy

Here are some pictures and video from today's party:

 O.k. so I was a little rushed to finish your cake and it kind of fell apart! It was a butter cake with a whipped topping/pudding filling and chocolate chip/chocolate frosting. (I'm pretty sure you would have liked it.)

 And the cake just kept falling apart as we cut it, but hey, it kind of looks like a cake after a 1 year old is done with it. : )

                                    
 Ahem! We do wear clothes in our house. We just had lasagna and I didn't want Izzy's WHITE shirt to get sauce on it. Lucy, your sister is already excited to share a room with you.

We all love you and cannot wait to share your next birthday and many birthdays to come with you blowing out your own candles.

Presenting Lucy Fei......

June 13 - I recieved an email today and I would like to share the first line of the email: 

"Hi there and congratulations!  Today we received your pre-approval from the CCCWA!"

 So what does this mean? I cannot word it better than the way it was explained in the email, so I should just quote directly from the email:

"A pre-approval is essentially the CCCWA’s acknowledgement or confirmation that your Letter of Intent has been received, along with the basic family information and photos you provided, and it represents the CCCWA’s agreement to review and process your file through the expedited Waiting Child Program, once your dossier arrives.You are now welcome to send a care package to your child and can share with others at your own discretion."

 Did you read that last part ?!!!! We can send a care package to our little girl in China! We can share pictures and details with you all! This is a good day! Recently Jason and I were at a wedding talking with a couple whose daughter just brought home their China doll. We discussed the ups and downs of this whole adoption process. I think back to over a week ago; how down and dreary this whole process looked. Now I am receiving the good news that we are another step closer to bringing Lu Lu home. We ended the conversation at the wedding by saying, almost simultaneously, that this whole process is out of our control. We realize there will continue to be ups and downs during this process. We will celebrate the ups, like today, and we will grow and trust fully in the One who is in control during the downs.

So without further delay, I would like to present to you Lu Fei Hu (Chinese name), Lucy Fei Penner (American name), Lu Lu (nickname : ))

   Believe me, one of the first care packages I send will include some hair bows! : )

So, what are our next steps? We are meeting with our home study agency for the first of 2 meetings on Wednesday. We will also be working on all the dossier paperwork. We now have a deadline to get our dossier completed within 6 months. On Aiden's birthday, Decemeber 13th, we need to have our dossier completed in order to meet that deadline. Game On!!! : )  However, first we need to plan a birthday party for Lucy. She turns 1 on Thursday, June 16th. It will be a bittersweet day in our family! I so wish that she could be here to celebrate this great birthday with her family. I hope the caregivers take time to celebrate her birthday in our place.

On another note, last night Jason and I were doing a search on the orphanage where Lucy lives right now. We discovered that almost one year ago, Show Hope (Steven Curtis Chapman's organization), opened a special care unit in the same building as Lucy's temporary home. http://blog.showhope.org/2010/07/09/jiaozuo/ This orphanage is only a 1 1/2 hour drive away from Maria's Big House of Hope (for those that have read Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman you know what I am talking about). We are going to see if we can visit these places while we are there. We are wondering if Show Hope had anything to do with getting Lucy's cleft lip repaired. Hmmm? Something we will have to ask.

As always, Soli Deo Gloria!

Be Careful What You Pray For......

June 5 - The past two months have been a waiting game for Jason and myself. We are not only waiting on our little girl in China to pick up and bring home to be a part of our family, but waiting on calls and emails from a company that Jason has been interviewing with. After months of uncertainty and changes with Jason's software consulting job, we started thinking  it was time for Jason to pursue other job options. However, the bad part is that while we are in the middle of the adoption process, we have been advised to not make any MAJOR changes to our lives. A major change being defined as a job change or address change looks bad on our dossier paperwork and will just cause problems and delays. Since we were not far enough in our adoption process, i.e. our homestudy and dossier is not completed yet, we felt we needed to look into this option. We put a halt on our adoption for Jason to pursue a different job. That was a little over 2 months ago. During this 2 months I have had CCAI asking me for paperwork that I could not fill out until we knew where Jason would be working. I have had our homestudy agency emailing me asking where were in the job pursuit so that we could schedule our homestudy meetings. So after almost 4 interviews and 2 months of time a proposal was given to Jason on a job and it was not what we were expecting. It was disappointing. The entire 2 months I just ached in my heart thinking our little girl is waiting for us and we are holding up this process. O.k. God, what are you doing? Why? Are we doing something wrong?
This brought us to a place of pleading and prayer, asking God what we were to do. Should Jason stay with the company he has been working for not knowing when the next paycheck will come, (One of the changes that has taken place with his job is that he gets paid when clients pay so we went nearly 3 months before seeing a check.) or cut a huge chunk of our budget, perhaps sending our kids to a different school, and take this new job, also knowing it is going to take more time from our adoption to get information sent off about this job change. Pleading and prayer, I tell ya! Finally, on Friday I came to my breaking point. I literally wept for our daughter in China. I was ready to tell CCAI that they should find other parents for her because we cannot give them answers and paperwork they need right now. I was weeping nearly the entire night ready to give up the little girl I feel God has called us to bring into our family. Just a side note: I started teaching summer Sunday School and a verse we talked about today was Psalm 30:5b "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." I lived the verse out. That night I wept and wept. What are we to do? How can this be part of Your plan, Lord? Then it came to me, and this thought has come to me before, but it was very clear now. You see it takes a few times for something to occur before I REALLY GET IT! From the beginning of this adoption journey Jason and I had prayed and asked others to pray that we would remain humble throughout this process. Adoption, being such an open and visual process, can become a very prideful and boastful thing to the parents. People come up to us and say, "oh what a wonderful thing you are doing. Good job." We never wanted this to become anything we have done but what Christ is doing through us. We want His name to become famous through this, not ours. I think of the verses in Philippians where Paul talks about putting confidence in Christ and not our own flesh. "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ." Philippians 3:7.  I think the Lord was putting us through this entire holding process to keep us humble. There is absolutely no way we are doing this ourselves, but He who works all things to His glory. He is keeping us humble. On Saturday morning Jason and I sat down, prayed, and talked about what we needed to do. We both came to a unified decision that Jason will continue to work for the consulting group he has been working with and we are completely trusting that God will provide what we need. Jason will do this until this adoption is complete and we have our little girl home. In the midst of all this possible job change there were more opportunities that had come up. Keeping this current job gives Jason some flexibility to possibly pursue those opportunities once our little girl is home. After we discussed this decision and went on with our day, I felt peace. I cannot speak for Jason but I think he felt the same. Jason went out to get the mail and came in with a check from his consulting work. HELLO!!!

So, I sent off an email to our homestudy agency to set up a meeting and get our homestudy done and I was able to send in all the information CCAI needed to lock us in as parents of little Lu Lu (our nickname for our China doll). As I like to say, GAME ON! We will now be busy doing whatever needs to be done to get Lu Lu home. So be careful what you pray for......you may just find yourself in unchartered waters. : ) The second part of Psalm 30: "rejoicing comes in the morning" came as I drove to the Butterfield trail later on Saturday morning. The song "I Lift My Hands" by Chris Tomlin came on the radio. I was by myself and cried tears of joy. Listen to the lyrics and be blessed. 

Soli Deo Gloria!

While I'm Waiting.....

May 25th - While Jason was drving me to Sioux Falls for a procedure on my varicose veins this song came on the radio. I immediately took notice and listened to the words closely as I have so many times when I have heard it before. This time it truly spoke to me as we continue to wait on God's timing. His ways are much higher than my ways. I cannot dwell on what I think needs to happen now. I can continue to serve and walk in obedience with my Father.

 Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. To God alone be the Glory!

Attachments

Today CCAI had sent me another email. Attached to the email were pictures and a document. I knew this was going to be yet another important email, however, the email and attachments had to wait. I had just come home from work and my son was begging me to make a chicken recipe (which takes some time to make when your chickens are still whole). Supper was done and eaten in a matter of minutes. (Funny how much time you take to make a meal for a family only to see it disappear in minutes.) Anyway, I digress. There were still garden seeds to plant that had come in the mail today. So off to Mom Penner's we went to get the seed planter. We planted the garden, played and enjoyed the beautiful evening, then up to the bathroom for baths and showers. Once the kids were in bed it was time to clean up from supper and make a snack for some kindergartners. (Puppy Chow was the request of the week. : ))  After cleaning up the kitchen, I could finally sit down to look at the all important email. I clicked on the "download attachment" button and I noticed that the computer decided to run extra slow tonight. Ugh! My wonderful husband tried to get it going faster, but nothing seemed to work. So, after about an hour we finally were able to see the attachments. Recent pictures of our little girl with some major changes. MAJOR!

The first set of pictures we were sent was when she was only 5 months old. She will be one on June 16th. She has a cleft lip and palate and neither had been fixed yet. It was quite breath taking to look at such an open lip and palate, even for the nurse in me. Over the last week and a half, I have been on the phone and emailing with doctors and clinics for someone to look at pictures and give me their take on her lip and palate. What does a repair all involve? How many surgeries? One doctor was concerned about her ear being what is called a "simple ear". This doctor said it could be a sign of hearing problems and requested more updated information. So, I took her advice and requested updated information, specifically about her hearing, and updated pictures, not thinking I would really get any updates. That is when this whole attachment to an email became so important to me. I was hoping it was updated information. Now why did the computer have to be so slow tonight! Why? Well, the pictures show a little girl who no longer has a cleft lip and there are plans to have her palate repaired in the next 6 months, and they have reported that she hears very well. Praise the Lord!!! I had mixed emotions about having her lip and palate repaired "over there", but I know and completely submit to God's control in this. He knows what we can handle and what we cannot. Is this a way He is providing for one of our and her needs? This just once again proves it is SO not about me or Jason or what we want or what we think is supposed to happen. This is all for His glory and all praise needs and can only go to Him!

I would love to share pictures with you all, but I have strict orders to not share pictures until we have been pre-approved by those that need to approve us.  : ) I will say she is just adorable! : )

A few people have asked what our time line is for going to China to get our China doll. My answer is I have no idea. Well, I have ideas, but at this rate I am just not sure. Right now we are in waiting mode. We are waiting on a few things before we can go any further with our adoption process and waiting is not my cup of tea! I am getting very impatient. I feel so helpless and unable to do anything to keep this process moving. So if you think of me or our family, will you please pray for patience for me. Yes, I know His timing is perfect, but right now I am just not sure what the purpose of waiting is, but then again, I never would have imagined any of this going the way it has so far. Why do I question or get impatient then? Once we can move forward, there is a homestudy to complete and a lot more paper work, certification of the paperwork, authentication of the paperwork, notorizing the paperwork (not necessarily in that order). So I don't want to put a time frame on it. Right now I just have to take it one day at a time and for now WAIT.

Soli Deo Gloria!!!!!

The Referral....

May 4, 2011 - I was just about ready to sit down to read a new book, Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas, when the phone rang. Ugh! I thought. I have just 30 minutes all to myself while dear Izzy was still naps and before the boys get off the bus and the after school activities begin. Really!!! Who was calling? Do they not know these precious times of silence are few and far between in this house? As I looked down and saw the number and name that appeared on my phone I knew this must be important. I better pick up this call. "Hello?" I said ever so inquisitively. " Hi Laura, this is Pam from CCAI's waiting child program. I have a referral......."

Let me back up from here as some of you may be asking yourself, who is CCAI? What is a referral? Has Laura lost her mind? She is talking crazy. Go back with me nearly 9 years ago to a Steven Curtis Chapman concert in Muncie, IN. Steven had his Declaration of Dependence tour and his entire show was more than a concert. It was an inspiration. He had Steve Saint on stage with the man who killed Steve's father while being a missionary to the Auca Indians in Equador. You can read about Nate Saint (Steve Saint's father) in a book called Through Gates of Splendor by Elizabeth Elliott. Anyway, Steven Curtis Chapman also had a slide show while singing the song, When Love Takes You In. His slide show consisted of pictures and video of the first time meeting their adopted daughter Shaohannah. I was a balling mess. What a divine picture of the love Christ has for us in adopting us into his family. Adoption was in the back of my mind ever since seeing those pictures and hearing Steven's story.
Well, life went on for this young married couple.  Ian was born in June 2003 then God blessed us with another boy, Aiden, just 18 months after Ian. Having two boys at such a young age was all that I thought I could handle for a while. As time went on, Jason and I started talking about adding to our family. Isabelle was born in October of 2008. Life was strolling right along. We had our 2 boys and our little girl. What could be better?
Now go back about 2 years. Jason had read a book called "A Hole in Our Gospel" by Richard Stearns. He recommended that I read it too. Some of you know that I was not a big fan of reading, but this book really captured my attention. I read it in just a few days and was moved by it. Was God trying to tell me something? A few months later another book was brought to my attention: "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. This time I read the entire book on the12- hour drive home from Indiana. Convicted again with the same message, care for the orphans and the poor. O.k. God, what is next? Jason and I were invited to attend a small group viewing and discussing "The Truth Project" by Focus on the Family. BAM! convicted again. At this point it was obvious God was about to rock my world with what He wanted me to do with all this conviction and knowledge I was getting. That is when the conversations started to begin between Jason and myself on what God was asking us to do. As Del Tackett  frequently says in "The Truth Project", we were thrown into a cocoon with God, wrestling and asking questions. Care for the orphans and the needy, what does that mean? What does that look like in this world?  What does it mean to live in this world but not be of this world? What does it look like to live in true obedience to my Lord?  Thrown into a cocoon I tell ya!!! Once we were able to emerge from this cocoon, the end result is this (among many, many other things).......we are in the process of adopting a little girl from China. The referral, as noted above, is a little girl that fits our medical checklist and age request that we have made to our adoption agency. We still need to do our home study and get a pre-approval from the Chinese government to adopt this little girl. If all goes well, the pictures that were sent to me this day are pictures of our daughter.

I will attempt to blog our process, setting up a stone of rememberance, so that those that read this will see the glory of God alone (Soli Deo Gloria) and His amazing transforming grace that only He can offer.

By the way, I have not been able to get back into my book I started, Bonhoeffer. Too many other things on my mind and things to research online.  : )