Today was a day that started out excellent and ended in total devastation. To start the day, I received a phone call from a fellow Chinese adoptive mom to talk about each of our experiences so far. She has already been through the waiting period and has a beautiful daughter at home. She mentioned several online resources for me to look at. I ran a few errands with Isabelle. Once I was done with the errands and Izzy was down for a nap, I started reading a few things and replaying the phone conversation in my head. I started thinking that my time frame for traveling to get Lucy may be a little off. So, I emailed our agency and asked several questions. This is when my day took a turn for the worse. The one question that was answered by our agency and left me with a very sick stomach and feelings of total devastation was this:
I am just wondering what the time line is for us to travel once we have USCIS approval and our dossier sent to China.
and here is the answer that made me so ill: Once your dossier has been logged in at the CCCWA in China, you can expect to travel in approximately 4-7 months.
Yep, you read that right, 4-7 months AFTER all our paperwork is sent to China, which we are still another month or two away from that point. We have a much longer wait than I was expecting at this point in the process. I have asked myself over and over, why did I not catch this before? Am I so clueless about this process that my expectations did not come anywhere near matching reality? I feel like a fool. So, for those that have been asking what our time frame is, we are looking at next summer being able to bring our little Lucy home. This is devastating news!!! Devastating!
I have cried, I have been sick, and I have talked on the phone with our agency and reviewed with them where we are at this point and what a general time frame is to getting out little girl home. We are talking another 6 - 9 months at this point if all goes perfectly. I am hoping she will be home by her 2nd birthday, which is June 16th.
I have to believe that there is a purpose for this long wait. I have to believe that yes, God is in control and I am not. I have to believe that He will work this out for our good. I have to believe!!! It is just hard to actually believe these things when I am longing so badly to be with Lucy and my heart just aches knowing that she is in an orphanage with no mother, no father, no family to love all over her and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
The one ray of sunshine from my day was the encouragement from the adoptive mom on the phone who has been through the entire process. One thing that she said that keeps sticking with me is, I know it is hard now to know this, but when you are finally face to face with Lucy, all the waiting and paperwork and heart ache you are going through now will completely fade away. You will have your little girl in your arms and you will know this was all worth it.
I was trying to find a C.S. Lewis quote today and came across a website with hundreds of C.S. Lewis quotes. One, among several, that sticks out to me tonight is, "Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do." I have to decide now if I am going to be bitter and angry because of my unmet expectations, that really were never realistic to begin with. Am I going to beat myself up for not asking the right questions of our agency and for not catching all of this sooner? Or I can realize the reality is there is nothing I can do about this. I can realize Lucy still needs a family and we are to be her family and when we do finally get her home, oh how sweet it will be. This is not how I had planned it, but then again, if this was happening the way I had planned it, how much attention would be taken away from the One who is ultimately in control and who deserves all the glory!? To God ALONE be the Glory!
This song just repeats in my head over and over tonight. "I have fallen so far, flat on my face, I'm in need of your grace today."
Sorry Laura for the day you had and how this info translates into more waiting for all of you. Just simply sorry. :(
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