Was It Worth It?

Driving home from the eye doctor today, I was thinking of conversations I have had with my dear husband over the past few weeks. Most of the conversations deal with money and some hard decisions we are being forced to make in the very near future. As the kids were listening to a book on CD during the drive home, my mind wandered to these conversations and I asked myself (or maybe it was a little whisper in my ear), "Was it worth it?" Was listening and obeying to what God was asking of our family worth it? Have the sacrifices we made, and will continue to make, worth bringing our daughter home? Have the sleepless nights of wrestling with God due to my selfish heart and life been worth it? I am like a 2 year old when God asks me to give up something. I want to throw a fit and say, MINE! Have all the lessons learned throughout our bringing Lucy home been worth it.....The unexpected dislike she felt toward me initially which taught me unconditional love. Having to say no to certain gatherings with friends (which is so hard for me as a extrovert, although I think I am getting more and more into the introvert arena everyday) in order to create and nurture a home where my children know they belong and enjoy just being a family. I am learning the lesson of the importance of just being a family in our home versus being busy busy busy and having no time to foster and care for family life. Somehow, bringing Lucy home taught me that, I don't know why. I have learned so much more about myself and things that have needed to change in my own thinking, my relationships, and my walk with Jesus.

Was it worth it?? Absolutely! When a little girl looks to me with arms stretched out to hold her, I am reminded how it is most definitely worth loving her even when she could not love me back. When my sons get into deep conversations and ask questions with their dad about the truth of the bible..... How do we really know the bible is true when there are some pretty far fetched stories in it? How do we know Jesus really was real?.... Is it worth being home as a family to answer these questions? Absolutely! (By the way, these questions were brought up thanks to Phil Vischer's DVDs called "What's in the Bible?" Check them out if you are looking for some great children's videos.)

Do I know it is worth listening and obeying what God has called me to do even during the hard times? When God is taking relationships, things, stuff away from me, is it worth it? I see a discontented heart within myself when I look around at other people's lives and wonder why they get such a "better calling" or wonder why they don't struggle with certain issues that I do. I am learning more and more that I am the problem and wrestling with God is exactly where I need to be in order to be who he created me to be.  He is refining me through these struggles and it is every bit worth it to me!  Of course I have a song to share. This has been the cry of my heart lately:

Jesus gave up EVERYTHING (His own life) for me......He is most definitely worth following and obeying. Our family life is worth the small sacrifices, though sometimes my sinful flesh thinks these are huge sacrifices....yep, worth it! Even when I am worn out and my heart is heavy from the weight of this world, following Jesus is so worth it to me!


On the home front.....Lucy and Izzy are getting over the high fever junk and Lucy had quite a croupy cough to go with it. The poor girl felt miserable for a few days and just wanted to be held (insert happy face on this mama). There were a lot of bonding moments happening while she was sick, although at times it was a bit draining and I was relieved when I saw reinforcement come home from work. :) Aiden is getting over a stomach bug but as of right now, everyone  appears to be back to health. Lucy is scheduled to have a bunch of dental work done under anesthesia next Thursday. Yes, another dose of anesthesia for this little girl. Prayers are always welcomed, especially for this nurse mom. I know it is no big deal, but as I have said before, sometimes being a nurse (in surgery of all places) can be a curse as a mom. We know too many of the "bad things that can happen during anesthesia". I am just happy she appears to be getting over her croup.