Positives of the Week

On Thursday, Dec. 8th we received this in the mail:

Authenicated Chinese Consulate seal attached to each document of our dossier

On Friday, Dec. 9th we recieved this in the mail:

I-800A approval!!!!!!!

 

 What do these two pieces of paper mean you ask?! The first picture represents all our dossier paperwork having gone through the final step of being 'sealed' and ready to be sent off to our agency for critical review and then off to China. The second picture is the last document needed to complete our dossier, our I-800A approval. Tomorrow I am traveling to St. Paul to have this document certified by the Secretary of State and I am awaiting a phone call from my agency to tell me the quickest way to get this paper to Chicago to be authenticated by the Chinese Consulate. Unfortunately, I cannot travel to Chicago myself, so either a courier service will be used or we will express mail it.

This week has been quite a roller coaster of emotions, like so much of this process is. I have gone from complete devastation to rays of hope again with these two packages in the mail. After getting such devastating news on Tuesday, I decided to start focusing on the positives. I started texting Jason (since I do not see him much during the day or evening) with what is now our "positive of the day" text. Positives being, our papers are on their way, I am holding our authenticated papers in my hand, we have been approved. I cannot wait for the "positive of the day" to be, we have Lucy in our arms! I hope it brightens his day! : ) This all once again reminds me that I am not in control and it is time to let go of that selfish control I want to have. The Lord has heard my cries and has cared enough to show me that He does still have this process and Lucy in His control and He cares.

This is so worth celebrating! Today our church was celebrating the amazing giving that came in the last month and a half and during our celebration dinner. Before sitting down in church I checked our church mailbox and there was an anonymous financial gift given to us. The entire service I had to hold back tears, that is until the songs started, then I lost it! : ) People are listening to the Spirit and obeying what He is asking of them and I pray this generous person is blessed with more than he/she can imagine. Here is a song to show my gratitude to the One who is providing. Celebrate with me!



Soli Deo Gloria!

Complete Devastation

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:9

Today was a day that started out excellent and ended in total devastation. To start the day, I received a phone call from a fellow Chinese adoptive mom to talk about each of our experiences so far. She has already been through the waiting period and has a beautiful daughter at home. She mentioned several online resources for me to look at. I ran a few errands with Isabelle. Once I was done with the errands and Izzy was down for a nap, I started reading a few things and replaying the phone conversation in my head. I started thinking that my time frame for traveling to get Lucy may be a little off. So, I emailed our agency and asked several questions. This is when my day took a turn for the worse. The one question that was answered by our agency and left me with a very sick stomach and feelings of total devastation was this:
 I am just wondering what the time line is for us to travel once we have USCIS approval and our dossier sent to China.
and here is the answer that made me so ill: Once your dossier  has been logged in at the CCCWA in China, you can expect to travel in approximately 4-7 months.


Yep, you read that right, 4-7 months AFTER all our paperwork is sent to China, which we are still another month or two away from that point. We have a much longer wait than I was expecting at this point in the process. I have asked myself over and over, why did I not catch this before? Am I so clueless about this process that my expectations did not come anywhere near matching reality? I feel like a fool. So, for those that have been asking what our time frame is, we are looking at next summer being able to bring our little Lucy home. This is devastating news!!! Devastating! 

I have cried, I have been sick, and I have talked on the phone with our agency and reviewed with them where we are at this point and what a general time frame is to getting out little girl home. We are talking another 6 - 9 months at this point if all goes perfectly. I am hoping she will be home by her 2nd birthday, which is June 16th.

I have to believe that there is a purpose for this long wait. I have to believe that yes, God is in control and I am not. I have to believe that He will work this out for our good. I have to believe!!! It is just hard to actually believe these things when I am longing so badly to be with Lucy and my heart just aches knowing that she is in an orphanage with no mother, no father, no family to love all over her and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

The one ray of sunshine from my day was the encouragement from the adoptive mom on the phone who has been through the entire process. One thing that she said that keeps sticking with me is, I know it is hard now to know this, but when you are finally face to face with Lucy, all the waiting and paperwork and heart ache you are going through now will completely fade away. You will have your little girl in your arms and you will know this was all worth it.

I was trying to find a C.S. Lewis quote today and came across a website with hundreds of C.S. Lewis quotes. One, among several, that sticks out to me tonight is, "Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do."  I have to decide now if I am going to be bitter and angry because of my unmet expectations, that really were never realistic to begin with. Am I going to beat myself up for not asking the right questions of our agency and for not catching all of this sooner?  Or I can realize the reality is there is nothing I can do about this. I can realize Lucy still needs a family and we are to be her family and when we do finally get her home, oh how sweet it will be. This is not how I had planned it, but then again, if this was happening the way I had planned it, how much attention would be taken away from the One who is ultimately in control and who deserves all the glory!? To God ALONE be the Glory!  

This song just repeats in my head over and over tonight. "I have fallen so far, flat on my face, I'm in need of your grace today."

Bummer

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your HOPE in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you...." -Psalm 42:5-6

Today I received some "not what I wanted to hear" news. Earlier this week I recieved an email from a friend that is going through paperwork for an international adoption. She wrote about some setbacks she had with her immigration/fingerprint paperwork. I told Jason I feared that we would have setbacks too since I was counting so heavily on the information we were given that we should receive approval in 2 weeks. Well, today marks 3 weeks since our fingerprints were taken so I decided to start emailing and calling to find out where we were in the approval process. I found out that even though a petition was made to expedite our paperwork, USCIS takes on files as they come in. It could be up to 90 days. (Insert empty, nauseating, gut renching feeling! Remember that LONGING to be with Lucy I talked about in my last post!) 90 DAYS!!!! Are you serious???? The good news is (well the better than bad news at this point) after I looked into it further and asked more questions of the USCIS officer I found out that the 90 days starts when they receive our application, which was Sept. 28th. Sonthe magic 90 day number brings us to the end of December. By the end of December we should have approval. I am praying, praying, praying that it will be earlier.

This news is just really bothering me tonight. This process is truly a roller coaster ride. Just when I think we are making huge steps in getting closer to bringing Lucy home, I get knocked down with news like this. It's someone telling me I have to wait even longer. It's that feeling that we will never hold Lucy in our arms. Interesting enough, I checked my email on my phone at the end of our moms group meeting where the devotion for today was on patience. Huh! Coincidence, I think not! Yes, I am praying for patience.

My prayer has been since receiving this news that through God's working, He would make a way for our papers to be noticed and looked at quickly. That all the necessary information would be there when the officer looks at our paperwork, if this is His way in all this. If not, I pray that I would be filled with the fruit of the Spirit, patience.

I was reading a post today on the internet and came across what an adoptive mom wrote on what not to say and what to say to parents waiting for their child. I do not wish to post the whole article because it comes across as being discouraging to those that are trying to be encouraging. I think we say things to people that may be going through some trial in life, trying to be an encouragement, but it comes across to the person we are trying to encourage as offensive or harsh because they are not at the point in their process where they are ready to hear those words. I have appreciated all the encouraging words we have received during this process. I understand that the encouragers out there may not have experienced what I am experiencing, but I still want to hear those words. Anyway, I digress. My point is there is one little piece of advice this writer put in her article that I would like to share:

 "When you say you’re praying for us and our waiting children, and you actually really are, not only does that soothe our troubled souls, but according to Scripture, it activates the heavens. So pray on, dear friends. Pray on. That is always the right thing to say. And please actually do it. We need people to stand in the gap for us when we are too tired and discouraged to keep praying the same words another day."

This is my request to you prayer warriors out there. I know many people have said they are praying for us and I know they truly are. Thank you! Keep praying!

I will leave with this song that was brought to my attention earlier this week. The words that stick out to me in this song is "If you take that first step into the unknown, He will not let you go." Jesus is not letting me, Lucy, or our family go while we walk out into this whole unknown process. He is holding us and this whole process in His hands. I needed that reminder.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Getting Closer While Growing Closer

I am sitting here thinking of all that has happened in the past 2 weeks with our adoption process. The Lord has shown up at every step of this process which humbles me and puts me in awe of Him at the same time. He has been so good to us, eventhough we do not deserve it.

Our immigration fingerprints were taken Thursday, November 10th. As Jason and I were approaching The Cities we noticed that traffic was backed up. Immediately I started to panic, thinking we would be late for our appointment. (Yes, I am a little high strung in these kinds of situations.) Jason looked at me and said, "Do you think we should pray?" Ummm, yeah, excellent idea! : ) So we prayed that the day would go smoothly, that traffic would clear up, that we would make it on time, and that the people working in the offices we were going to would be pleasant and helpful. (I was just worried about every little detail of this day and was having nightmares at night that I had forgotten something or that we would be sitting in the immigration office all day with crabby people.) I was overcome with emotion as I prayed. I think the reality of being so close to getting our daughter who I do not even know has started to set in. I do not know what she likes. I do not know how she will react to me. I do not know if there are hidden "special needs" that we will need to care for. I do not know......on and on it goes. Anyway, we finished praying and after finding out that it was just a stalled car causing a back up, traffic started moving again. We arrived at our destination with a half hour to spare. We walked into the office and were the first to be fingerprinted. As the kind lady scanned my fingers, she noticed it was almost my birthday. She said, "Oh, happy early birthday!" Thank you Lord for placing a kind woman in my path when I was all wound up and nervous. We were out of there within 5 minutes and onto the Secretary of State's office to have our papers certified. We were the only people waiting at the Secretary of State's office so that visit only took 15 minutes, and that was with a bathroom break! : ) We were done with two major steps in our adoption process before 9 a.m. Praise the Lord for his wonderful answer to our prayers. Now we just await approval of our fingerprints, which Lord willing, will arrive this week.

Yesterday I went to the post office and laid months of paperwork in the hands of the USPS. Our lives, spelled out on paper, is now traveling to the Chinese Consulate in Chicago to be authenticated. I walked into the post office with very specific directions on how to send this package. I finally looked at the worker and apologized for being so direct and explained that these were very important papers. Like she hasn't had people come in with "very important papers" before. She probably thought I was nuts! Our agency has told us that it can take up to 20 days for the Chinese Consulate to process our papers, so we will wait.

Two weeks ago in Sunday School the topic of adoption was brought up. The teacher asked those who have adopted to compare the love Jesus shows us as adopted children of Him to their own adoption journey. As I listened to several responses, my heart started racing and the hot flashes started. I knew it was the Holy Spirit nudging me to share, but I am not big on sharing in class. I usually have to think a little or discuss the topic with individuals after class. I also knew that if I opened my mouth tears would soon follow my words. This time my heart just kept racing so I knew I needed to speak up. Sure enough, when I started speaking tears started to flow as I explained that we are in the midst of adopting a beautiful little girl whom we have pictures of and a little bit of information about and we already love her and are longing to be with her. Just as I am longing to be with her and pursuing her with patience, so Jesus longs to be with each of us and to have that intimate relationship like a father has to a daughter or son or a mother to her daughter or son. Jesus longs for us to come into a relationship with Him. He pursues us, He loves us, and He is patient with us. It was a revelation moment for me in that class like so many times during this journey.

This past week I have been able to follow David Platt's journey to China to finally be united with their daughter. David Platt is the author of Radical and I think I mentioned his book in my very first blog post. He has had great posts that has made me think and prepare a little more for our day of being united with Lucy and the days to follow. He writes much better than I when he compares physical adoption with the relationship to our Heavenly Father as adopted sons and daughters. His blog is worth reading. The address is http://bhglobalblog.org/2011/11/26/do-you-know-god-as-father/ While watching some of his first videos of being united with his daughter, Mara Ruth, I was again boosted with hope that some day we will be united with Lucy. He does talk about some of the unexpected issues that may come with adopting a child from an orphange that has caused me to start some new prayers. For example, his daughter has been used to having women care for her in the orphange that she has attached much better to Platt's wife than to himself. This has caused some longing on his part to grow that father/daughter relationship, but will take more time than he thought. I pray for Jason and Lucy's relationship, that she will accept him as her father with time and that Jason would be patient during that process.. I pray for Lucy as she will be grieving everything that is "normal" to her when we become a family and that she will adjust to her new family and life well. While I know that each adoption journey is different and each child responds differently, David Platt's blog has come at just a perfect time to prepare me for what lies ahead for us.

I am excited and nervous to be this close to getting our little Lucy home. The Lord has sustained us this far and will continue to sustain us until we are united as a family. I think of what my sister-in-law and fellow adoptive mother said to me, "Just think, this will be your last Thanksgiving as a family of 5." Oh that makes me excited! I will leave with this poem from David Platt's blog. He wrote it for his wife last Chrismas from the perspective of a child waiting for a family.

Today, I sit in China, a special child in need,
Of a mommy and a daddy who will come and care for me.

Though I’m still just a baby, I have a longing for a home,
For a family who is willing to call me their own.

Most days I feel forgotten, yet unbeknownst to me,
The Father to the fatherless is at work behind the scenes.

For many miles away, He has a mom and a dad,
Who’ve been walking through a journey that has sometimes left them sad.

For many years they prayed that God would give them a child,
And finally God answered in a way that made them smile.

In one year alone (nine months to be precise),
Through a miracle of miracles, God gave them offspring twice.

First a son through adoption, and then one more naturally,
And all of a sudden, they doubled their family.

Yet now a few years later, they are struggling once again,
Pleading and yet wondering if their prayers are in vain.

Oh, be patient, mom and dad, for the Father on high,
Is listening with care and has heard our every cry.

He knows how much I need you, and how much you need me,
He’s arranging every detail for the day that we will see…

Each other for the first time, in the city where I live,
Where you’ll take me in your arms, and on that day you’ll give…

Me what I’ve always dreamed of and desired deep inside,
A family whose love for me will never, ever subside.

I know this may sound insensitive and hard to understand,
But I am very grateful that the process you had planned…

Has been blocked and delayed at various points along the way,
For as a result of your setbacks, I’ll be your child one day.

So even when it’s tough, please wait and persevere,
For though you do not know me yet, I’m waiting over here.

One day soon in China, we will finally meet,
And our God will be exalted for your patient pursuit of me.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Update Day

Today at work I checked my email and noticed I recieved such an awesome email: new pictures of Lucy and health updates. It was such a sweet and bright ray of hope in the midst of this whole process. I cannot say it better than how my great friend said it when I emailed her the pictures, "I bet it does your heart good to get new information, and to know she's healthy and got your package!" She was absolutely right, it did my heart a lot of good. I have been praying and asking others to pray for an update on Lucy. The update came today and it was better than I imagined it to be! She is reported to be in good health. She can walk and is reported to be outgoing. (She will fit right in to the Herman side of the family.) She can say mama, which I don't know if that is in Chinese or English. They call her Fei Fei at the orphanage and we call her Lu Lu. : ) Oh, I just don't even know what else to write. I just want to show pictures and smile and scream and cry and get all this paperwork done with and just take the next flight to China and bring her home!!! : ) So here is my mommy brag moment:



Lucy looking at and listening to the book we sent her. She is drooling over our family picture. : ) This makes my heart happy because I can see a little smile on her face.



Our little Lucy Fei wearing the dress we sent her.





Jason and I will be traveling up to St. Paul on Thursday to get our immigration fingerprints. I am frantically getting all our papers ready to be notarized tomorrow so that while we are in St. Paul on Thursday, we can just walk into the Secretary of State's office to have them certify our papers. Our papers will then be sent to Chicago to the Chinese Consulate to be authenticated. Then our papers go to our agency in Colorado to be translated into Chinese. From there the papers go to China and we wait for them to give us the o.k. to travel to pick up this little cutie! What is the time frame for all this to be done, you ask? Well, I still have January for the month to travel in my head. All the people working with our adoption have told us they are putting expedited requests on our process since we have a "special needs" child waiting for us. We pray this will continue to move along smoothly.

"How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people."   -Psalm 116:12

Soli Deo Gloria!

Yahweh Jireh - The Lord Will Provide

This month is flying by and I am finally getting a chance to sit down and update our blog. I have had many people come up to me and ask if there is any new news on Lucy. Here is where we are in the process: USCIS (immigration services) has received our application and we have received acknowledgement of that in the mail. We now wait for them to send, via snail mail, an appointment for Jason and myself to be fingerprinted for FBI clearance. Ooooo, sounds so official. : ) We will have to travel up to St. Cloud or somewhere around the Cities for these fingerprints. From there the process seems to get kind of confusing. I think, if I understand it correctly, we may have to wait for about 2 months before we receive all the papers from USCIS that we are clear on the U.S. end to bring Lucy home. Then we finish up more dossier paperwork, get the dossier sealed (notarized, certified, and authenticated) and send all these papers to China. Once the Chinese government looks over all our papers, they will tell us when we can travel to get our little Lucy. Whew! Yes, I am exhausted just talking about it all. This is where we are currently at in the process.

There have been several "God moments" this past month that I would like to share. A couple weeks ago I had coffee with a fellow international adoptive mom to discuss adoption overseas and the whole process. It was awesome to talk with someone with the same passion and burden for the "least of these." It was also heart wrenching at times to hear some of her story. She did not receive support and encouragement from some of her church family when they brought their daughter home. I was shocked! Living in a small town I cannot share her whole story, but it brought to my attention how very thankful I am for all the love and support my church family, extended family, and friends have shown us throughout this process. About the same time as this coffee talk, I came across an article on John Piper's blog. It spoke volumes to me. The title is Don't Let Your Cause Eclipse God's Glory http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/dont-let-your-cause-eclipse-gods-glory (You can read the whole article if you would like.) In this article the author talks about getting such a calling or passion for something that a person does not quite understand or gets angry when others do not have that same calling or passion. I could so relate. The Lord was and continues (because this is quite an ongoing process for me) to really work on my heart in this area. I know that He calls each one of us to do different activities, build different relationships, interact with different people. We are responsible to obey what He is asking us to do and to make much of Him, not ourselves, while we are fulfilling our call. This friend of mine found that this church body was a not a good fit for her family or their calling for their lives and despite not receiving the support, they remained obedient and faithful to the One that gave them their calling and have a beautiful daughter to show for it. : )

I have continued to read the devotional from Show Hope and one day the title was: The Cost of Adoption. The verse used on this particular day was Ephesians 1:5,7 "God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ....and it gave him great pleasure... He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son...." I wish I could type the entire day out for you, but I will try to highlight what really spoke to me.

Our adoption by God cost us nothing. However, it did cost God something; it cost Him His Son. The high fees and costs of adoption today are indefensible, but they are not inconceivable. Adoption is costly. Whether in the realm of finances, emotions, relationships, time, or effort, adoption will cost. But think of what it cost God, and yet He was willing to undergo that cost. And not simply to undergo it, but to undergo it with joy! It gave Him pleasure! What kind of upside down world is this? What pain and loss God must have experienced, and yet He delighted in bringing us into His family! In our world of risk-averse, safety-first, immediate gratification, we often lose sight of the truth that some endeavors are worth the cost.

Yes!!

God is Yahweh Jireh (Provider). Jason and I pray continually that God will provide financially for this adoption. Jireh shows up every time when I start to doubt. Jason has had more work.......well I guess than I care for him to have since I do not get to see him much, but that is just me being selfish. : ) I am so thankful for a husband that is healthy and is given the ability to work and work hard at that! We have both received paychecks that show how much He is providing. I pray when I go to the store that I would be a steward of the money He has provided for us to live off of. We are blessed in abundance, more than we need. We have walked out to the mailbox to receive cards with checks from people who are also walking in obedience by showing love to us and Lucy. We have received our first 2 paychecks from justlove coffee. (www.justlovecoffee/ThePenners.com) He has provided and if only I could just get it through to my thick heart during those times I doubt, that He will continue to provide.

Our God, who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, who is rich in mercy and grace, who generously provides for all that we need, this God knows the costs we will incur, and promises to be with us and for us every step of the way. This is about faith in action. This is an invitation to experience God in ways we've never experienced Him before.  -Scott Hasenbalg (Hope for the Journey devotion book)

We asked for  updates or updated pictures of Lucy and have not received anything yet. We pray that as we wait, we could just get some news of how she is doing. This wait is hard, but I have to say I have never been closer to my Lord and God as I am right now. In Sunday School we have been talking about walking with Jesus, learning from His example. A few weeks ago we were talking about how Jesus confronted the rich young man. Jesus' love for the man was brought to my attention on this particular day. I have heard this story so many times, but I am still amazed at how much the Bible is alive and speaks in ways I need to hear. Jesus loved this man and didn't want him to stay where he was in his walk with Jesus. In Mark 10:21 it says,

Jesus looked at him and LOVED him. "One thing you lack", he said. "Go sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.

 Jesus knew this man's heart and what the rich young man was holding onto too tightly that was hindering his relationship with Jesus. Jesus asked the man to give up the one "issue" he was having in order for the man to go deeper in fellowship with Jesus. He LOVED him that much. Jesus has asked me to give up multiple things (sacrifice multiple "things" of this world) in order for me go deeper in my relationship with Him and what a blessing it has been. In Sunday School the statement was made: Sometimes the blessing is in the sacrifice. I wish I could say it has always been easy to give up those things. It is hard because my flesh says "I want.......", but I am now beginning to see what a blessing it is.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. Keep them coming!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Waiting Patiently......or maybe not so much

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future.' "  -Jeremiah 29:11

I have read this verse so many times. I have heard people use it several times when talking about a certain situation in their lives. This time reading the verse it just really penetrated into the heart.

A good friend of mine and fellow adoptive parent gave me a devotional booklet from the organization Show Hope. It is a great devotional to read through and encourage us as we......what's the dreaded word......WAIT for Lucy to come home. This particular day the devotion was focused on this verse and how the Father knows what is best for our family and for our little Lucy. It was such an encouragement to me after receiving some not so good news earlier in the week.

The past few weeks Jason and I have really felt discouraged and almost hopeless with how this whole process is going. I am just going to be honest with you, I sometimes doubt that we will ever be bringing Lucy home. Several things happened with our home study and the process was delayed, not because of anything Jason or I did but because of others. When it is nothing either Jason or I could do about the situation, I feel so extremely helpless and hopeless. That is when this verse hit me. ".....plans to give you a hope and a future." There you have it! His plans are to give me HOPE and a FUTURE when I am feeling so hopeless. His plans are to give Lucy HOPE and a FUTURE. I need to be trusting in the future He has planned and not what my own plans are. His timing is perfect even when I do not understand the purpose of waiting. He has a plan. At the bottom of the devotion a question is asked: In what ways am I trusting in my own understanding and instead need to come before God in prayer and in faith?  Good question! Notice it says come before God in prayer and IN FAITH. What am I not believing about God when I doubt that He will bring Lucy to our home? I am not putting my faith in the only one that is in control of all things. Oh, I have asked many times to forgive my unbelief of who He really is. I have seen His provision in my life so many times, but how quickly I forget how faithful He is to me. Praise the Lord that He is merciful to me.

Well, on the good side of all this is that I did receive an email today saying our home study is finally approved from CCAI. This is a huge chunk of our dossier paperwork. We can now submit our immigration paperwork and wait for a call that the authorities have received and accepted all the papers and that we can travel up to the Cities for more fingerprints. (I know it is confusing for me too. ; )) It all just means that we can once again move forward. We still have a long way to go before we can travel to get Lucy, but every step closer is reason to celebrate!

We so appreciate your prayers and support. Several of you have supported us by buying coffee and I cannot thank you enough. I hope you are enjoying it. If anyone else would like to order coffee (Christmas presents!!!! Christmas is right around the corner. hint, hint), go to our website: www.justlovecoffee.com/ThePenners  It really is great coffee. I can now say I am a Just Love coffee snob!

Soli Deo Gloria!