Was It Worth It?

Driving home from the eye doctor today, I was thinking of conversations I have had with my dear husband over the past few weeks. Most of the conversations deal with money and some hard decisions we are being forced to make in the very near future. As the kids were listening to a book on CD during the drive home, my mind wandered to these conversations and I asked myself (or maybe it was a little whisper in my ear), "Was it worth it?" Was listening and obeying to what God was asking of our family worth it? Have the sacrifices we made, and will continue to make, worth bringing our daughter home? Have the sleepless nights of wrestling with God due to my selfish heart and life been worth it? I am like a 2 year old when God asks me to give up something. I want to throw a fit and say, MINE! Have all the lessons learned throughout our bringing Lucy home been worth it.....The unexpected dislike she felt toward me initially which taught me unconditional love. Having to say no to certain gatherings with friends (which is so hard for me as a extrovert, although I think I am getting more and more into the introvert arena everyday) in order to create and nurture a home where my children know they belong and enjoy just being a family. I am learning the lesson of the importance of just being a family in our home versus being busy busy busy and having no time to foster and care for family life. Somehow, bringing Lucy home taught me that, I don't know why. I have learned so much more about myself and things that have needed to change in my own thinking, my relationships, and my walk with Jesus.

Was it worth it?? Absolutely! When a little girl looks to me with arms stretched out to hold her, I am reminded how it is most definitely worth loving her even when she could not love me back. When my sons get into deep conversations and ask questions with their dad about the truth of the bible..... How do we really know the bible is true when there are some pretty far fetched stories in it? How do we know Jesus really was real?.... Is it worth being home as a family to answer these questions? Absolutely! (By the way, these questions were brought up thanks to Phil Vischer's DVDs called "What's in the Bible?" Check them out if you are looking for some great children's videos.)

Do I know it is worth listening and obeying what God has called me to do even during the hard times? When God is taking relationships, things, stuff away from me, is it worth it? I see a discontented heart within myself when I look around at other people's lives and wonder why they get such a "better calling" or wonder why they don't struggle with certain issues that I do. I am learning more and more that I am the problem and wrestling with God is exactly where I need to be in order to be who he created me to be.  He is refining me through these struggles and it is every bit worth it to me!  Of course I have a song to share. This has been the cry of my heart lately:

Jesus gave up EVERYTHING (His own life) for me......He is most definitely worth following and obeying. Our family life is worth the small sacrifices, though sometimes my sinful flesh thinks these are huge sacrifices....yep, worth it! Even when I am worn out and my heart is heavy from the weight of this world, following Jesus is so worth it to me!


On the home front.....Lucy and Izzy are getting over the high fever junk and Lucy had quite a croupy cough to go with it. The poor girl felt miserable for a few days and just wanted to be held (insert happy face on this mama). There were a lot of bonding moments happening while she was sick, although at times it was a bit draining and I was relieved when I saw reinforcement come home from work. :) Aiden is getting over a stomach bug but as of right now, everyone  appears to be back to health. Lucy is scheduled to have a bunch of dental work done under anesthesia next Thursday. Yes, another dose of anesthesia for this little girl. Prayers are always welcomed, especially for this nurse mom. I know it is no big deal, but as I have said before, sometimes being a nurse (in surgery of all places) can be a curse as a mom. We know too many of the "bad things that can happen during anesthesia". I am just happy she appears to be getting over her croup.

2012 Favorites

January 1, 2013 - Happy New Year! Since we did not send out Christmas cards and letters this year for various reasons, I have decided to give you a little 2012 year in review here by telling you our "favorite things" of 2012. I will start with the youngest and newest member of the Penner home....

Lucy: favorite books: Olivia books (to be honest, Lucy reminds me alot of Olivia) Favorite movie: Well, she isn't much for sitting still long enough to watch a full movie. Favorite activities: playing with baby dolls, looking at books, playing outside (without snow), and imitating all her siblings....both the good and the bad activities. :) Favorite food: ice cream

Isabelle: Favorite books: Berenstein Bears books and Look and Find books. Favorite movie: Curious George. Favorite activites: dressing up!!!!!, riding on a big girl bike, and swimming. Favorite food: "mac 'n cheese and grapes, hamburgers with only ketchp on it". Favorite lesson learned this year: "letters".

Aiden: Favorite book: Huckleberry Finn. Favorite movies: Tin Tin and What's In the Bible. Favorite activities: reading and swimming, skiing in the winter. Favorite food: hamburgers and sloppy joes. Favorite lesson learned this year: "learning about artists like Vincent Van Gough and the weather and plants."

Ian: Favorite book: Tom Sawyer. Favorite movies: Brave and Miracle at Midnight. Favorite activities: Legos, swimming in the summer, and working with his electronic snap circuits. Favorite food: mac 'n cheese recipe (baked beans, mac 'n cheese, hot dogs, and cheese on top......Blech!) Favorite lessons learned this year: "different forms of energy and cells".

Laura: Favorite book: It is too hard to narrow down to just one book, so since I do the blogging, I get to put more than one: Kisses from Katie, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, and The Heavenly Man. Favorite movies: October Baby and Les Miserables. Favorite Activites from 2012: trip to China and finally having Lucy in our home, taking the family to Waterpark of America, weekend away with Jason for our 11th Anniversary, Okoboji Bible Conference in August to hear Skye Jethani and Gracia Burnham and running my third half marathon. Favorite lessons learned in 2012: Lesson 1: I am not always called to an easy and comfortable life. I am called to follow Jesus. Challenges will come my way and there is so much joy to be found in those challenges if my focus will remain on the ultimate goal.......following Jesus with my entire life. Lesson 2: True and genuine and unconditional LOVE comes from something beyond myself. It comes from the Holy Spirit. Even if the love is not returned to me, I am still called to love. (O.k. I am still on lessons learned....I have a lot of lessons I have learned this year, let me tell ya!). And last, but certainly not least.....a third lesson learned in 2012.....waiting is hard, but so worth every minute for everything learned in the waiting. What joy it brought me to finally bring our Lucy home after so much waiting and what joy it was to learn many lessons in the waiting. To God ALONE be the Glory!

Jason: (written by himself.....this may finally be the blog post I have been begging him to do. :)) Favorite book: Phil Vischer's book Me, Myself, and Bob: A True Story about Dreams, God, and Talking Vegetables. Favorite movie: Hunger Games and The Help. Favorite activities in 2012: skiing with the boys, going to China, a shockingly bountiful harvest despite the drought. Favorite food: donuts. Favorite lesson learned (or more accurately "lesson being learned"): Having God plus anything is no more or better than having God alone. That is to say having a wonderful family or good health or all our physical needs met and then some, or even a dream and ministry for some great thing I can do for God's kingdom plus having God himself is no more or better than having just God.  He is life, hope, love and all that we need.  Nothing on this earth can add to Him.  He may or may not give me those other things, but if he does they will not fulfill me and in fact I may very well make them my idols if I seek my identity and purpose in them.  Instead, whatever I do have must be given back to God and used for his purposes only. 

Our year was filled with so many other memories, but this post would get too long to read. We have been blessed with family and friends that challenge us and love us at the same time, overall healthy bodies that allow us to serve God, and a God who is faithful and loving whom we can call Abba Father!

Happy New Year from the Penners!

 

My Aiden

Dec. 13, 2012 - Happy Birthday to our Aiden Christopher! I was looking back at old pictures of Aiden trying to find this one. It cracks me up and I think it may be one of my all time favorites!

I came across quite a few pictures of Aiden over the years and I was brought back to the memory of his birth. Aiden was only 24 hours old when the doctor stormed into my hospital room early in the morning to tell me he was not doing well and he needed to be airlifted to Sioux Falls immediately. I was in a panic. What just happened!? I called Jason who was at home with our 18 month old and made my way down the hall to the hospital nursery to find out what was going on. All I could see were a lot of nurses and our doctor hovering over this little baby who was struggling to breath. The doctor asked the staff to close the door to the nursery when she saw that I was outside watching. (Uh, yes, we now go to a different doctor. I was not impressed.) A kind nurse's aid asked me if she could take me back to my room and help me call anyone and get my things together. Next thing I know the flight team had come in with Aiden in a huge incubator for me to say goodbye before they took him.

 Jason came to the hospital and after I was discharged we drove to Sioux Falls to be with our son. When we arrived we talked to the pediatric intensive care doctor who informed us that Aiden had a collapsed lung and gave us some statistic about this only happening in 2% of full term births. There was no explanation for his lung collapse and to this day we do not know why. So Aiden spent about 10 days in the NICU in Sioux Falls.

After only 2 days of being in the NICU, Aiden was breathing on his own and his chest tube was taken out. He was monitored closely for a few days and then he had to finish out his antibiotics before we could go home. The NICU nurses said he was probably the biggest baby in the NICU. They had to find bigger diapers for him because they were so used to preemies. :) He is still a big boy!

Finally holding my baby boy!

 We came home Dec. 23rd. Aiden seemed to have a lot of breathing problems during his first year. He was in the hospital again when he was about 5 months old for pneumonia, but after seeing a specialist and doing multiple breathing treatments and as he grew, he had less problems. Today he does not seem to have any residual effects from his traumatic first few days except a cool scar on the side of his chest. His dad tells him "chicks dig scars!" Ha!

Home at last

I think back also to the fact that I was not even very excited when I found out I was pregnant with him. Shame on me, I know! I was more in a panic than excited. Ian was only 10 months old when I found out I was pregnant and thoughts raced through my head like, how am I going to carry two infants at the same time. We need a double stroller. We need another crib. How am I going to do all this????? These were my panicky thoughts right after taking a pregnancy test and I verbalized my panic to Jason. He calmly reminded me that this baby was not going to be coming for another 7-8 months. Ian will grow in that time and we have time to get ready. It will be o.k.! He is so good for me. Now, I cannot imagine life without Aiden. He is a good buddy to all his siblings. He is my sensitive one. He likes hugs and cuddling. He loves little children. He has a God given talent of memorization and reading and is able to retain it all. He will give us random facts about something because he read it somewhere and remembered it. He needs to be pushed to work at certain things if it is challenging for him. He also thinks.....deeply. Some of the questions he asks about spiritual issues blow me away. I do not always have an answer for him and he makes me think beyond just "because the bible tells me so." Oh and he has inherited the Herman gene in me.....he is LOUD! He does not do too many things quietly. Sorry buddy, but you got it honestly from your mother.

I am going to close this post with my favorite story about Aiden from this year. This makes my heart happy as a mom because there are days with Aiden that I don't know how this boy is going to turn out. Then I think back on this story and I am filled with tears of joy because there is hope.

 Our kids get Focus on the Family's Clubhouse and Clubhouse Jr. magazines. We started their subscription when we left for China in hopes that it would give them something to look forward to in the mail while we were gone. In the December Clubhouse Jr. magazine there was a story about a little girl named Lily who is writing out her Christmas letter to God. She writes to God to tell him what she wants for Christmas and the reasons why. Lily's dad calls everyone together for family devotions and he says they are going to talk about gifts. Lily's parents tell everyone that they have decided to take a family vacation to Jamaica for Christmas.....to an orphanage where David, the boy on their refrigerator, lived. Lily was upset. She didn't want to go there. She wanted a soccer ball for Christmas and to go to Grandpa and Grandma's house. Lily's parents explained that they wanted to do more this Christmas than just send money and that no one was going to be getting gifts this year. Lily was not happy. They went to the orphanage and met David. Lily and David played soccer together. Then Lily's dad handed Lily a card to give to David. Lily thought that was a pretty dumb gift until David opened it and read:

"Dear David, Would you like to come live with us? We would love to be your new parents! And you could play a lot of soccer with Lily.
Merry Christmas,
Mr. and Mrs. Solm"

 Lily was thrilled and said, "this is the biggest and best Christmas ever!"

After Aiden read this story, he told me and Jason to read it. Then he said, I think we should do that. :) :) :)  This makes my heart swell.

Aiden is such a blessing in our lives. We cannot imagine our lives without him. Happy 8th Birthday to our Aiden!

 

Catch Up

As I sit here finally catching up on this blog, the wind is blowing and snow is falling. When those two combine it results in cancellations. Tonight I should be watching our four children in their Christmas program, but that will have to wait until next Sunday. :) So, with a snowstorm blowing outside, I have time to catch up.
Life has been busy crazy ever since Thanksgiving hit. The day after Thanksgiving we put our Christmas trees up and decorated them. While decorating the "kids" tree, I realized there will be even more "firsts" for Lucy. I am guessing this is the first time she has seen a Christmas tree. While decorating the tree Lucy jumped right in and helped put ornaments on each branch, following the other three's lead. At first she wasn't so sure what all the excitement was about. I still do not think she understands all this yet.

The star for the "kids tree"

Other firsts she may be experiencing now is snow. I am pretty sure she has seen snow. Today in Jiaozuo it is 23 degrees and hazy, so their weather is very similar to ours. We are just not sure she has actually played in the snow. Unfortunately, she has not been out to play in it yet. Nap times and shorter daylight makes it hard to get out, but we will see. When she is out in the cold she seems to freeze up and doesn't want to walk or do much of anything. Living in Minnesota, she is going to have to get used to that. Sorry sweetie!

 Jason has been working long days at MinnTex (hence, the earlier comment about life being crazy since after Thanksgiving). So, the kids were pretty excited when he came home Saturday evening and wrestled with them. We all just hang on until busy season is over and Daddy is home again. Lucy misses her daddy while he is gone. It has been difficult for me to hear her yell "aaadddyyy" when I have to discipline her. Yep, she wants her daddy when mommy is teaching her what she cannot do.

We had two speech teachers come to the house last Monday for evaluations on Lucy's speech. They are supposed to come back for day 2 of speech evaluations tomorrow (Monday), but with this weather, I don't know if they will make it. They are evaluating what exactly is the problem with her speech so they know how to work with her. They can continue to come to our house for 6 more months, until she is 3, and then revaluate her at that time. At that time she would need to go to preschool and they will work with her there. We will see what happens in the next 6 months. It has been over 6 months now that we have been home with Lucy.  Jason and I will talk about how at times we cannot believe she is really home with us. We have seen SO MUCH growth and healing from her the past 6 months. I hear comments from people frequently about how much Lucy smiles and looks happy with us. That is so encouraging to hear. We see it too. I would say we all have grown and healed in the past 6 months.

Dedication Day

Sunday November 11, 2012 ~

Today we dedicated Lucy in church. In front of our church family we promised to raise Lucy in a home that is Christ centered and our pastor closed the little ceremony with a wonderful prayer for our family as we raise Lucy. It was a very nice morning.

Here is a slideshow we showed during the church service: (I wish we could have video taped the live performance of Jackie singing at church. She did a great job singing this beautiful and fitting song for our journey to Lucy.)

http://www.authorstream.com/Presentation/lspenner-1590802-lucy-dedication/

I believe this is when Lucy was pulling her brothers' hair on stage and Jason told everyone we have some work to do at home with her. : )

Being covered in prayers by Pastor Dennis
 

 ^"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him (her) to the Lord. For his (her) whole life he (she) will be given over to the Lord.”  ~1 Samuel 1:27-28

 

Adopted: The Cost of Love - The Austin Stone (part 3)

This is the final sermon in this series called Adopted. This needs to be watched for those that seriously took the step of praying how God wants you to be a part of orphan care. Like I said before, adoption is not always roses. There are some real hurts and unexpected situations that arise in adoption, but it is all a part of the cost of love, as this speaker talks about.

Adopted: Rescued to Love - The Austin Stone Church (part 2)

As promised, I have posted part 2 of this sermon series, Adopted. This is a perfect sermon to listen to for Orphan Sunday.
If you do so choose to listen to this sermon, I warn you this pastor will challenge you. The whole point of Orphan Sunday is to get the word out about the need to care for orphans. Obviously this is a passion or maybe a calling to advocate for orphans around the world. If you are one that takes this sermon seriously and prays that God would show you how to help with the global orphan crisis, great! Then, if you have questions or want to talk, you can contact me. I do enjoy talking about our process, even the ugly parts of the process because adoption is not always roses and lollipops. : )  I enjoy talking about it, not to be proud, and I hope I never come across as being prideful of something that I have done. I enjoy talking about our experience because of the BIG GOD that is at work in my life. I like to make much of Him and the refining process He put me through and continues to put me through during this adoption and parenting process.

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."  ~James 1:27