Getting Closer While Growing Closer

I am sitting here thinking of all that has happened in the past 2 weeks with our adoption process. The Lord has shown up at every step of this process which humbles me and puts me in awe of Him at the same time. He has been so good to us, eventhough we do not deserve it.

Our immigration fingerprints were taken Thursday, November 10th. As Jason and I were approaching The Cities we noticed that traffic was backed up. Immediately I started to panic, thinking we would be late for our appointment. (Yes, I am a little high strung in these kinds of situations.) Jason looked at me and said, "Do you think we should pray?" Ummm, yeah, excellent idea! : ) So we prayed that the day would go smoothly, that traffic would clear up, that we would make it on time, and that the people working in the offices we were going to would be pleasant and helpful. (I was just worried about every little detail of this day and was having nightmares at night that I had forgotten something or that we would be sitting in the immigration office all day with crabby people.) I was overcome with emotion as I prayed. I think the reality of being so close to getting our daughter who I do not even know has started to set in. I do not know what she likes. I do not know how she will react to me. I do not know if there are hidden "special needs" that we will need to care for. I do not know......on and on it goes. Anyway, we finished praying and after finding out that it was just a stalled car causing a back up, traffic started moving again. We arrived at our destination with a half hour to spare. We walked into the office and were the first to be fingerprinted. As the kind lady scanned my fingers, she noticed it was almost my birthday. She said, "Oh, happy early birthday!" Thank you Lord for placing a kind woman in my path when I was all wound up and nervous. We were out of there within 5 minutes and onto the Secretary of State's office to have our papers certified. We were the only people waiting at the Secretary of State's office so that visit only took 15 minutes, and that was with a bathroom break! : ) We were done with two major steps in our adoption process before 9 a.m. Praise the Lord for his wonderful answer to our prayers. Now we just await approval of our fingerprints, which Lord willing, will arrive this week.

Yesterday I went to the post office and laid months of paperwork in the hands of the USPS. Our lives, spelled out on paper, is now traveling to the Chinese Consulate in Chicago to be authenticated. I walked into the post office with very specific directions on how to send this package. I finally looked at the worker and apologized for being so direct and explained that these were very important papers. Like she hasn't had people come in with "very important papers" before. She probably thought I was nuts! Our agency has told us that it can take up to 20 days for the Chinese Consulate to process our papers, so we will wait.

Two weeks ago in Sunday School the topic of adoption was brought up. The teacher asked those who have adopted to compare the love Jesus shows us as adopted children of Him to their own adoption journey. As I listened to several responses, my heart started racing and the hot flashes started. I knew it was the Holy Spirit nudging me to share, but I am not big on sharing in class. I usually have to think a little or discuss the topic with individuals after class. I also knew that if I opened my mouth tears would soon follow my words. This time my heart just kept racing so I knew I needed to speak up. Sure enough, when I started speaking tears started to flow as I explained that we are in the midst of adopting a beautiful little girl whom we have pictures of and a little bit of information about and we already love her and are longing to be with her. Just as I am longing to be with her and pursuing her with patience, so Jesus longs to be with each of us and to have that intimate relationship like a father has to a daughter or son or a mother to her daughter or son. Jesus longs for us to come into a relationship with Him. He pursues us, He loves us, and He is patient with us. It was a revelation moment for me in that class like so many times during this journey.

This past week I have been able to follow David Platt's journey to China to finally be united with their daughter. David Platt is the author of Radical and I think I mentioned his book in my very first blog post. He has had great posts that has made me think and prepare a little more for our day of being united with Lucy and the days to follow. He writes much better than I when he compares physical adoption with the relationship to our Heavenly Father as adopted sons and daughters. His blog is worth reading. The address is http://bhglobalblog.org/2011/11/26/do-you-know-god-as-father/ While watching some of his first videos of being united with his daughter, Mara Ruth, I was again boosted with hope that some day we will be united with Lucy. He does talk about some of the unexpected issues that may come with adopting a child from an orphange that has caused me to start some new prayers. For example, his daughter has been used to having women care for her in the orphange that she has attached much better to Platt's wife than to himself. This has caused some longing on his part to grow that father/daughter relationship, but will take more time than he thought. I pray for Jason and Lucy's relationship, that she will accept him as her father with time and that Jason would be patient during that process.. I pray for Lucy as she will be grieving everything that is "normal" to her when we become a family and that she will adjust to her new family and life well. While I know that each adoption journey is different and each child responds differently, David Platt's blog has come at just a perfect time to prepare me for what lies ahead for us.

I am excited and nervous to be this close to getting our little Lucy home. The Lord has sustained us this far and will continue to sustain us until we are united as a family. I think of what my sister-in-law and fellow adoptive mother said to me, "Just think, this will be your last Thanksgiving as a family of 5." Oh that makes me excited! I will leave with this poem from David Platt's blog. He wrote it for his wife last Chrismas from the perspective of a child waiting for a family.

Today, I sit in China, a special child in need,
Of a mommy and a daddy who will come and care for me.

Though I’m still just a baby, I have a longing for a home,
For a family who is willing to call me their own.

Most days I feel forgotten, yet unbeknownst to me,
The Father to the fatherless is at work behind the scenes.

For many miles away, He has a mom and a dad,
Who’ve been walking through a journey that has sometimes left them sad.

For many years they prayed that God would give them a child,
And finally God answered in a way that made them smile.

In one year alone (nine months to be precise),
Through a miracle of miracles, God gave them offspring twice.

First a son through adoption, and then one more naturally,
And all of a sudden, they doubled their family.

Yet now a few years later, they are struggling once again,
Pleading and yet wondering if their prayers are in vain.

Oh, be patient, mom and dad, for the Father on high,
Is listening with care and has heard our every cry.

He knows how much I need you, and how much you need me,
He’s arranging every detail for the day that we will see…

Each other for the first time, in the city where I live,
Where you’ll take me in your arms, and on that day you’ll give…

Me what I’ve always dreamed of and desired deep inside,
A family whose love for me will never, ever subside.

I know this may sound insensitive and hard to understand,
But I am very grateful that the process you had planned…

Has been blocked and delayed at various points along the way,
For as a result of your setbacks, I’ll be your child one day.

So even when it’s tough, please wait and persevere,
For though you do not know me yet, I’m waiting over here.

One day soon in China, we will finally meet,
And our God will be exalted for your patient pursuit of me.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Update Day

Today at work I checked my email and noticed I recieved such an awesome email: new pictures of Lucy and health updates. It was such a sweet and bright ray of hope in the midst of this whole process. I cannot say it better than how my great friend said it when I emailed her the pictures, "I bet it does your heart good to get new information, and to know she's healthy and got your package!" She was absolutely right, it did my heart a lot of good. I have been praying and asking others to pray for an update on Lucy. The update came today and it was better than I imagined it to be! She is reported to be in good health. She can walk and is reported to be outgoing. (She will fit right in to the Herman side of the family.) She can say mama, which I don't know if that is in Chinese or English. They call her Fei Fei at the orphanage and we call her Lu Lu. : ) Oh, I just don't even know what else to write. I just want to show pictures and smile and scream and cry and get all this paperwork done with and just take the next flight to China and bring her home!!! : ) So here is my mommy brag moment:



Lucy looking at and listening to the book we sent her. She is drooling over our family picture. : ) This makes my heart happy because I can see a little smile on her face.



Our little Lucy Fei wearing the dress we sent her.





Jason and I will be traveling up to St. Paul on Thursday to get our immigration fingerprints. I am frantically getting all our papers ready to be notarized tomorrow so that while we are in St. Paul on Thursday, we can just walk into the Secretary of State's office to have them certify our papers. Our papers will then be sent to Chicago to the Chinese Consulate to be authenticated. Then our papers go to our agency in Colorado to be translated into Chinese. From there the papers go to China and we wait for them to give us the o.k. to travel to pick up this little cutie! What is the time frame for all this to be done, you ask? Well, I still have January for the month to travel in my head. All the people working with our adoption have told us they are putting expedited requests on our process since we have a "special needs" child waiting for us. We pray this will continue to move along smoothly.

"How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people."   -Psalm 116:12

Soli Deo Gloria!

Yahweh Jireh - The Lord Will Provide

This month is flying by and I am finally getting a chance to sit down and update our blog. I have had many people come up to me and ask if there is any new news on Lucy. Here is where we are in the process: USCIS (immigration services) has received our application and we have received acknowledgement of that in the mail. We now wait for them to send, via snail mail, an appointment for Jason and myself to be fingerprinted for FBI clearance. Ooooo, sounds so official. : ) We will have to travel up to St. Cloud or somewhere around the Cities for these fingerprints. From there the process seems to get kind of confusing. I think, if I understand it correctly, we may have to wait for about 2 months before we receive all the papers from USCIS that we are clear on the U.S. end to bring Lucy home. Then we finish up more dossier paperwork, get the dossier sealed (notarized, certified, and authenticated) and send all these papers to China. Once the Chinese government looks over all our papers, they will tell us when we can travel to get our little Lucy. Whew! Yes, I am exhausted just talking about it all. This is where we are currently at in the process.

There have been several "God moments" this past month that I would like to share. A couple weeks ago I had coffee with a fellow international adoptive mom to discuss adoption overseas and the whole process. It was awesome to talk with someone with the same passion and burden for the "least of these." It was also heart wrenching at times to hear some of her story. She did not receive support and encouragement from some of her church family when they brought their daughter home. I was shocked! Living in a small town I cannot share her whole story, but it brought to my attention how very thankful I am for all the love and support my church family, extended family, and friends have shown us throughout this process. About the same time as this coffee talk, I came across an article on John Piper's blog. It spoke volumes to me. The title is Don't Let Your Cause Eclipse God's Glory http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/dont-let-your-cause-eclipse-gods-glory (You can read the whole article if you would like.) In this article the author talks about getting such a calling or passion for something that a person does not quite understand or gets angry when others do not have that same calling or passion. I could so relate. The Lord was and continues (because this is quite an ongoing process for me) to really work on my heart in this area. I know that He calls each one of us to do different activities, build different relationships, interact with different people. We are responsible to obey what He is asking us to do and to make much of Him, not ourselves, while we are fulfilling our call. This friend of mine found that this church body was a not a good fit for her family or their calling for their lives and despite not receiving the support, they remained obedient and faithful to the One that gave them their calling and have a beautiful daughter to show for it. : )

I have continued to read the devotional from Show Hope and one day the title was: The Cost of Adoption. The verse used on this particular day was Ephesians 1:5,7 "God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ....and it gave him great pleasure... He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son...." I wish I could type the entire day out for you, but I will try to highlight what really spoke to me.

Our adoption by God cost us nothing. However, it did cost God something; it cost Him His Son. The high fees and costs of adoption today are indefensible, but they are not inconceivable. Adoption is costly. Whether in the realm of finances, emotions, relationships, time, or effort, adoption will cost. But think of what it cost God, and yet He was willing to undergo that cost. And not simply to undergo it, but to undergo it with joy! It gave Him pleasure! What kind of upside down world is this? What pain and loss God must have experienced, and yet He delighted in bringing us into His family! In our world of risk-averse, safety-first, immediate gratification, we often lose sight of the truth that some endeavors are worth the cost.

Yes!!

God is Yahweh Jireh (Provider). Jason and I pray continually that God will provide financially for this adoption. Jireh shows up every time when I start to doubt. Jason has had more work.......well I guess than I care for him to have since I do not get to see him much, but that is just me being selfish. : ) I am so thankful for a husband that is healthy and is given the ability to work and work hard at that! We have both received paychecks that show how much He is providing. I pray when I go to the store that I would be a steward of the money He has provided for us to live off of. We are blessed in abundance, more than we need. We have walked out to the mailbox to receive cards with checks from people who are also walking in obedience by showing love to us and Lucy. We have received our first 2 paychecks from justlove coffee. (www.justlovecoffee/ThePenners.com) He has provided and if only I could just get it through to my thick heart during those times I doubt, that He will continue to provide.

Our God, who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, who is rich in mercy and grace, who generously provides for all that we need, this God knows the costs we will incur, and promises to be with us and for us every step of the way. This is about faith in action. This is an invitation to experience God in ways we've never experienced Him before.  -Scott Hasenbalg (Hope for the Journey devotion book)

We asked for  updates or updated pictures of Lucy and have not received anything yet. We pray that as we wait, we could just get some news of how she is doing. This wait is hard, but I have to say I have never been closer to my Lord and God as I am right now. In Sunday School we have been talking about walking with Jesus, learning from His example. A few weeks ago we were talking about how Jesus confronted the rich young man. Jesus' love for the man was brought to my attention on this particular day. I have heard this story so many times, but I am still amazed at how much the Bible is alive and speaks in ways I need to hear. Jesus loved this man and didn't want him to stay where he was in his walk with Jesus. In Mark 10:21 it says,

Jesus looked at him and LOVED him. "One thing you lack", he said. "Go sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.

 Jesus knew this man's heart and what the rich young man was holding onto too tightly that was hindering his relationship with Jesus. Jesus asked the man to give up the one "issue" he was having in order for the man to go deeper in fellowship with Jesus. He LOVED him that much. Jesus has asked me to give up multiple things (sacrifice multiple "things" of this world) in order for me go deeper in my relationship with Him and what a blessing it has been. In Sunday School the statement was made: Sometimes the blessing is in the sacrifice. I wish I could say it has always been easy to give up those things. It is hard because my flesh says "I want.......", but I am now beginning to see what a blessing it is.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. Keep them coming!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Waiting Patiently......or maybe not so much

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future.' "  -Jeremiah 29:11

I have read this verse so many times. I have heard people use it several times when talking about a certain situation in their lives. This time reading the verse it just really penetrated into the heart.

A good friend of mine and fellow adoptive parent gave me a devotional booklet from the organization Show Hope. It is a great devotional to read through and encourage us as we......what's the dreaded word......WAIT for Lucy to come home. This particular day the devotion was focused on this verse and how the Father knows what is best for our family and for our little Lucy. It was such an encouragement to me after receiving some not so good news earlier in the week.

The past few weeks Jason and I have really felt discouraged and almost hopeless with how this whole process is going. I am just going to be honest with you, I sometimes doubt that we will ever be bringing Lucy home. Several things happened with our home study and the process was delayed, not because of anything Jason or I did but because of others. When it is nothing either Jason or I could do about the situation, I feel so extremely helpless and hopeless. That is when this verse hit me. ".....plans to give you a hope and a future." There you have it! His plans are to give me HOPE and a FUTURE when I am feeling so hopeless. His plans are to give Lucy HOPE and a FUTURE. I need to be trusting in the future He has planned and not what my own plans are. His timing is perfect even when I do not understand the purpose of waiting. He has a plan. At the bottom of the devotion a question is asked: In what ways am I trusting in my own understanding and instead need to come before God in prayer and in faith?  Good question! Notice it says come before God in prayer and IN FAITH. What am I not believing about God when I doubt that He will bring Lucy to our home? I am not putting my faith in the only one that is in control of all things. Oh, I have asked many times to forgive my unbelief of who He really is. I have seen His provision in my life so many times, but how quickly I forget how faithful He is to me. Praise the Lord that He is merciful to me.

Well, on the good side of all this is that I did receive an email today saying our home study is finally approved from CCAI. This is a huge chunk of our dossier paperwork. We can now submit our immigration paperwork and wait for a call that the authorities have received and accepted all the papers and that we can travel up to the Cities for more fingerprints. (I know it is confusing for me too. ; )) It all just means that we can once again move forward. We still have a long way to go before we can travel to get Lucy, but every step closer is reason to celebrate!

We so appreciate your prayers and support. Several of you have supported us by buying coffee and I cannot thank you enough. I hope you are enjoying it. If anyone else would like to order coffee (Christmas presents!!!! Christmas is right around the corner. hint, hint), go to our website: www.justlovecoffee.com/ThePenners  It really is great coffee. I can now say I am a Just Love coffee snob!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Care Package

Yesterday I sent my two boys off to the first day of school. Aiden is in first grade and Ian is in second grade. It should be an interesting year because both boys are in the same classroom. The first and second graders are in the same room at their school. It should make for some interesting conversation at the dinner table. The good news for me is that maybe this year I will stay on top of what needs to be sent to school for certain special days. Last year I could not remember if Ian needed show n tell or if it was Aiden's day to bring snack. The boys are excited and are usually eager to learn new things. We love their teachers and their heart for teaching our children in a way that honors God.

I guess with all the these new beginnings today I decided it was time to get this care package for Lucy put together and sent off. So, we finished the package last evening and I sent it off this morning. The whole family was involved in this care package. We sent Lucy a recordable story book. Each of us took a turn and read a couple pages so that Lucy can hear our voices and maybe get used to them. (I have tried to add the video of the recorded book, but blogspot did not want to cooperate, or maybe it is just me. : )). At the end of the book Izzy says, "The End. We love you Lucy." It is just precious. Here are a few pictures of the items included in her first package:

A recordable story book called, All the Ways I Love You, a dress, a headband, a disposable camera, and a little pinkie blankie similar to her big sister's blankie. : )

Here is the inside of cover of the storybook. I added a picture of our family, (actually from last summer, but it is the best picture I have in hard copy right now). Above our heads you notice some labels. Our agency was nice enough to send little labels for Mother, Father, Big Brothers, and Big Sister in English and in Chinese. Now Lucy will get to see us for the first time and then every time she opens her book. : )

I pray that this care package will get to Lucy. It has to go through customs and I followed all the directions that our agency told us to do in order for the package to get there safely. I pray it will brighten Lucy's day and that she enjoys her presents.

I recently requested an update on Lucy from our agency. The response I received is something to this effect: They are waiting to request an update until the beginning of next month. At that time it will be the 6 month window of when Lucy was supposed to get her palate repaired. Usually if a child has been in the hospital the agency receives the discharge paperwork from her stay. They have not yet received that so the agency is thinking it may not have been repaired yet. So, we pray that Lucy is doing well and that we receive an update soon.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. Again, for you coffee drinkers, if you would like to enjoy some great coffee and help us bring our little Lucy home you can go to our coffee storefront at www.justlovecoffee.com/ThePenners. Spread the word to all your coffee drinking friends. : )
Soli Deo Gloria!

The Home study

Yesterday I received an email from our case worker. In the email she attached our home study. THE HOME STUDY we have been patiently (or maybe at times, not so patiently) waiting over a month to look over. This is a big step in our adoption process. This means after the home study has been reviewed by us and then by our Chinese agency in Colorado (CCAI), we can send in more paper work to be put in someone else's hands to review and wait for phone calls. I know, it may sound redundant, but having this home study allows us to move forward yet again, and we are that much closer to bringing Lucy home. We are praising the Lord for this home study being completed and asking for prayer that the papers can get to where they need to go and that the people who need to see our papers would be available to attend to them quickly.

Having this home study complete also means we can apply for grants from organizations like Show Hope and The Abba Fund to assist us in financially providing for this adoption. So, as you see, I will be up to my ears in paperwork. : ) As I have been waiting for this home study I read a book called Adopt Without Debt by Julie Gumm. She gives practical advice to parents that are either looking into adopting and may think they cannot afford it, or parents that are in the process of adopting. I thought we had exhausted all our options to save money, make money, or ways to keep us from going into debt until I read about one website that interested me. There is a coffee roasting company called Just Love Coffee that sells exotic coffees from several parts of the world. They roast the coffee as it is ordered and ship it to the person that orders it. The adopting family gets $5 for each bag that is sold.  I just received my first bags of coffee and am pretty excited to try them. I am not a saleswoman. I am not a big fan of asking people to buy something (I leave that to my retired insurance salesman father and current salesman brother). So, I am not going to beg you to buy this coffee. I may post it on Facebook every once in a while.You may get an email from me about it. However, I am just spreading the word to those that like a good cup of coffee in the morning and would like their purchase to have a purpose, helping an orphan get home to her forever family. : ) I set a goal of $5,000 to help with our adoption costs and the medical needs that she may have when she does come home. So, I figure (if my math is correct, which I have been to known to mess up) if I can get 1,000 people to buy just one bag of coffee, I will have reached my goal. So, I am asking if you have friends, family, or co-workers that enjoy coffee, pass this information onto them. Hey, just today I was reminded that Christmas is only 4 months away, maybe you could get some of your Christmas shopping done a little early. : ) Here is the link: www.justlovecoffee.com/ThePenners

There is my sales pitch! In the end, the Lord will continue to provide for our every need during this adoption. He has proven over and over to provide abundantly more than I need.  Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Sweet Questions

Children are the best at asking those honest questions, especially when you least expect it. One of those questions that I frequently get asked by our 2 year old is "where's Lu Lu?" The first time she asked it was about a month ago. She came down the stairs early in the morning and after I said good morning to her she responded with, "where Lu Lu?" The next question was "where's Lu Lu's mommy?" This is the question that took me off guard. How do I answer this for a 2 year old to understand? As I was pondering this question I showed Isabelle a picture of Lucy. In the background of the picture there is a nanny feeding another child. She pointed to the nanny and said, "here her mommy." As this conversation was going on, I noticed that my oldest child was watching and listening to how I responded to these questions. So I started explaining to my kids that I am Lucy's mommy but for now someone else needs to take care of her until I can get to her. This answer seemed to satisfy their curiosity, at least for now. It seems that almost daily Isabelle asks, "where's Lu Lu?" Now when she has two of something she says, "one is for Lu Lu". It melts my heart to hear her talk about her sister and it amazes me how much she thinks and talks about her. I think she is pretty excited. 

Where are we in the process? We had our homestudy visits nearly a month ago. Our case worker said she has one month to type up our homestudy, so we are patiently waiting. I asked if there is anything I can do while I wait to make things move a little quicker and I was advised not to get ahead of the process because of time lines. The items I may go ahead and get may expire and I would end up re-doing certain processes. So we wait. The good news is that once our homestudy is typed up and accepted, we can start applying for grants and adoption financial aid from organizations like Show Hope. I have started reading a new book, The Autobiography of George Mueller. That man's faith and prayer life are inspiring and it most certainly is helping me wait this out. I will have to share some quotes from that book in a later post.

Our family just returned from the 2nd tri-annual Wiebe (Jason's mom's side of the family) family reunion in Missouri. It was a fabulous time with this amazing family. One tradition that this family started was taking a big group picture with each family having a certain color shirt on for the picture. The Penner family had orange shirts and Grandma Penner decided that Lucy needed a 2011Wiebe family reunion shirt. So I have it waiting for her in her room. I thought about sending it to her in the orphanage, but I am afraid I will not see it again. For now it will just wait until she gets home. So thank you Bernice! Also, what makes this family so amazing is the heritage and faith it shares. Jason and I were asked to share about our adoption at a campfire one night. We were both hesitant at first, but did agree to speak. After our little talk and answering a few questions this amazing family surrounded Jason and myself and prayed for and over us and Lucy. It was so........I don't know what word best describes it. It was just awesome! Knowing that this entire family is praying for us and Lucy is so meaningful and beautiful to me. I will treasure those moments by the campfire forever. While we were at this family reunion, I saw a little Asian girl running around with little pony tails in her hair. ADORABLE! I noticed her sitting with some American adults. I thought surely she must have been adopted. I built up enough courage to find her parents and ask about her adoption. I found out that she was from South Korea. We talked for a little while. The mom gave me some advice and things she has learned since bringing home this little girl. It was such an encouraging conversation. As we said our good-byes and our "see you at the next reunion", I realized that at the next reunion, Lucy will be with us and she will get to meet this amazing family in person.

And someday when Isabelle asks me, "where Lu Lu?" I will be able to say, "check outside or maybe she is in your room or perhaps she is playing hide-n-seek with you."  : ) We wait for that day!