Why Do You Doubt Me?

"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?'  -Matthew 14:31

I was just reading this yesterday and it hit me like a punch to the stomach. Peter was walking on the water out to Jesus, as soon as he saw the wind, he was afraid and he began to sink. He cried out, "Lord, save me!" Then it says, IMMEDIATELY Jesus reached out his hand and caught him!

I am at the same point Peter was when he saw the wind and became afraid. We still have not been given the o.k. to purchase our plane tickets to fly to China to get our daughter and I am afraid, I have little faith, and I am doubting. Our agency is waiting to get the definite answer to the question of how long it will take to get Lucy's passport paperwork completed. We have been told that we may need to be in China an extra 5 days because the county that she is in right now is known for taking an extra 5 days to complete what needs to be done. (So, if you do the math, that means a typical trip takes 16 days + 5 extra days = 21 days over in China! Yes, possibly 21 days away from our other 3 kids! I know!) However, for whatever reason, no one is giving our agency a clear answer if this is the case for Lucy. So, originally, we were told to plan on leaving May 16th. After many days of calling and emailing our agency with no news, I am doubting that we will get to leave on May 16th. We may have to wait until the next travel group leaves which could be May 23rd or May 30th or maybe into June. Who knows!? I have been told that if we do not get an answer by Monday, we will NOT be with the May 16th travel group. Each day that goes by and I have no news from my agency brings another knot in my stomach. Our homestudy agency called me today and said I need to start doing some paperwork to update our homestudy because it will expire in June. I am glad she is staying on top of all this because I didn't know it has already been a year since we did our homestudy.

Most China adoptions happen like this: you get your travel approval, you get an appointment with the U.S. Consulate in China, you get assigned a travel group, then you start looking for flights and head to China. This obviously is not our case. Why? I do not know.

So reading this encounter that Peter has with Jesus makes me relate so much with Peter. All I see are waves, wind, storms. Why do I doubt the sovereignty of God? Why do I doubt His goodness? Why do I doubt His ultimate control over His creation? Why do I doubt Him? Jesus has said to me, "Laura, You of little faith, why do you doubt?" And He is right there to catch me and hear my cries!

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from ALL my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." - Psalm 34:4-5.

So, we do what we do best maybe not the best.......we wait. All prayers for patience, complete surrender to the One who is in control, and perseverance for me would be appreciated. I know this is not about me in any way, but this is getting tough to go through.  Jason reminds me, "It will all be worth it!"

Giving it up to Him!!